Birthday
by Kimmydonn
Summary: For Renesmee's fourth birthday, she and her family are going to the Amazon, but adolescence and old acquaintances make the trip more interesting than anyone expected.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: I would like to thank Marin-sama and Professor Panda for their help regarding Amazonian names and Brazilian traditions. And Sharebear for the editing help.  
_

The raven was mocking me. I know he was. Sitting up at the top of that Sitka crowing at me. I could see a sparkle in his beak. I'd show him. I looked down at the sundress Alice had chosen for me. It wasn't fitted. Although my growing had slowed tremendously, I still burst out of clothes in weeks if they didn't have some 'growing space'. After three years, even Alice was having trouble justifying a new outfit every day, so the dress hung rather limply from my shoulders. The lemon yellow was nice and sunny. It matched my disposition. Well it had, until that raven had showed up. He flapped his way to a pine this time, a little further from me again. I growled a little.

I was answered by my red-brown shadow. Jacob barked a laugh at my determination. He couldn't understand why I was stalking a silly raven, I was sure. But it had snagged my barrette and I wanted it back! I ran to the base of the pine craning my neck to look up to the top. Stupid raven was moving again. This wasn't working. I pulled the dress over my head quickly and scrambled up the tree.

Jacob must have phased because I heard him call, "Don't fall, Nessie! That tree is too tall!"

Bah. I'd jumped off a cliff with him a year ago, and that was much taller than this tree. Of course, I'd landed in water, not on the ground. I didn't care. I wanted my barrette. I wanted that raven. Needles scratched at my skin, and I thought it better me than my dress - the reason I had left it behind. The tree was starting to lean with my weight so close to it's tender growing tip. I was 86 pounds on Monday, when Grandfather had weighed me last. He seemed to think that not enough for my 4 feet 6 inches, but he'd let it go. I'd be as tall as Aunt Alice soon. My father guessed it would be by my birthday, one week away.

The raven squawked at me again from the neighboring spruce. As I began leaning to rock the tree, I thought about my upcoming birthday. Last year, Jacob had been given permission to take me cliff diving. That was my present from my parents and it had been amazing! I'd done it once since, without their permission. Only because that first time they were watching and I'd had to be sedate about it; I just cannonballed while holding Jacob's hand. What fun was that? The second time, I snuck out with Jacob and ran for the cliff edge, launching myself far out over the water. I spread my arms and legs as I soared parallel to the water. It was what I imagined flying to be like. This year I had another flight in mind.

"Careful, Nessie!" Jacob hollered. He was worse than my mother. Well as bad as.

I gave the tree one last shove away from the raven and set my feet against the trunk. When the top was pointed right at the troublesome bird, I launched myself across the twenty-five feet between tree tops. I snatched the barrette from his beak as he took flight in fear. I wrapped my arm around the tip of the spruce and slowed my decent as the tip bent with my weight and momentum. I knew just before the crack that I'd grabbed on too high up the tree. The tip snapped leaving me to fall through the boughs. I grabbed odd branches as I was able, but I was still falling too quickly. The needles still didn't break my skin, but I heard the shower of them falling to the ground.

Suddenly, I felt fur. He couldn't grab in this form, but he changed my course and took some of my momentum. Now I was able to curl myself up and land on my hands and feet. A plume of needles and dirt surrounded me with the impact. My ankle twisted a little. Wow. I must have been falling fast; I didn't injure easily.

The canine panting turned to a growl then to grumbling. "You are going to be the death of me, Renesmee." Oooh, I _was _in trouble. He never called me Renesmee.

I pouted, my best weapon in this instance. I took his hand and showed him my intention, hanging on and climbing down. I also thanked him for saving me from broken bones to only have a twisted ankle.

He knelt before me shaking his head. His fingers reached for my foot. I lifted it. "It's not bad. It's already feeling better. I don't heal quite as fast as you, but close."

Then he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me tightly to him. I could feel his relief and sent him images of condolence. I really hadn't meant to scare him. For the first time I felt something crushed between us. As he released me I looked down. They must have been there before, but I hadn't noticed my breasts developing.

Jacob followed my eyes and flushed. "You'd better find your dress," he told me, nudging me on. He phased back once I was far enough away.

I sighed. Mama and Edward were very strict about Jacob wearing pants when not covered in hair. I still didn't understand. Just as I didn't understand why my nakedness was problem. I yanked my dress over my head with a frown. My smile returned when I snapped my barrette back in my tangled curls. I didn't bother pulling the twigs from them. I touched Jacob's side, thinking of home. He knelt down to let me climb his shoulder. I laughed as he ran; he had forgiven me.

"What have you been doing!" Mama shrieked when she saw me. "You have half a tree in your hair." She shook her head and began plucking out wreckage.

"A raven stole my barrette. I got it back." I said proudly patting the shiny in my hair.

"And you never thought that maybe we'd just find you another one?"

"That wasn't the point." I touched her hand in my hair and showed her the raven's taunting.

She laughed now. "Taunted by a bird."

My father came over and kissed Mama's cheek. "What I don't understand is how your dress didn't get damaged."

I looked down. He knew of course. If he hadn't seen it in my head he saw it in Jacob's. I sensed a new rule on the horizon.

"Nessie," he said, exasperated, "you're getting too big to just take your clothes off whenever they don't suit you. You aren't an animal like Jacob. You look every bit a 12 year-old girl. There are men out there..."

"I never run into men who aren't family or wolves."

My father sighed. "Please, Nessie. Keep your clothes on, whatever the case."

I hmphed loudly, slouching under Mama's fingers. "Please, Nessie. For us?" she pleaded.

"Fine." I agreed out of hand. I just made a note not to get caught next time.

My father grabbed my chin. He meant business. "This isn't a whim, Renesmee. If you want to move among humans you need to act like one. If you plan to live as an animal, then I suppose you can run in your hide."

I felt tears sting my eyes. Why was I crying? He hadn't been overly harsh, but something in his words made me feel deeply ashamed. "Yes, Daddy. I want to be human. I will do better." I promised.

He kissed my cheek. "I know you will." Before his hand left my chin I sent him a mental hug. He met it with a physical one.

Mama was now running a brush through my curls. "We need to braid this more I think. I never guessed when we left you with the others that you'd come back like this."

It had been a quiet afternoon with my Grandmother and Grandfather until the raven snatched my barrette. Rosalie and Emmett were off in the woods somewhere. I had watched random trees fall while Grandfather gave me my lessons. Today had been a biology day, cellular reproduction. Alice told me that this lesson was special to my Mom and Dad. It was the first day after Edward had returned from his breather in Alaska, their first meeting after that fateful day when my father almost ate my mother. I shivered thinking about that possibility.

That brought me back to the reason they had left. "So? What did Alice say?"

"That Zafrina, Senna and Kachiri will meet us at the _Parque Metrapolitano Bellavista_," Edward told me. "Happy Birthday."

I clapped and bounced on my toes. "Yay! Thank you thank you thank you!" I hug-tackled him and he laughed.

"Well, we still have to send them word, we just know they're going to say yes."

"How?" I asked.

"Alice has gone to tell them. She and Jasper will meet us at the Parque as well."

"She didn't say goodbye?" I half-pouted.

"She hasn't gotten that far. She's packing at the house. We thought she'd find you there and tell you herself."

"I'm going to go thank her and say goodbye." I wrenched my hair out of Mama's hands.

"Slow down, Renesmee!" she called after me.

I was already at full speed in the trees.

* * *

Alice was on her way to Brazil and we would be following her to Quito in a week. Mama had already put in a call to the lawyer in Seattle to have a new passport made for me. I didn't look seven as my old one said. She was still arguing with Edward about using her old one. He had two good points. Her name wasn't Swan anymore and she didn't look anything like her picture. So, she would be getting new papers before we flew out, too.

Jacob was coming with us. His pack was all set to run with Sam until we returned. He'd decided to go with the passport Mama already had for him. The others were staying at home. I was going to miss them. We hadn't strictly planned our return, but expected it would be in a month or two.

Rosalie had convinced me to play hookie from Grandfather's lessons so she could spend a little extra time with me before we left. Emmett came along as we played catch in one of our favorite clearings. I was always sad they had to bring it down a notch for me. They could throw and run so much farther and faster than I could. They never minded.

Today they had a surprise for me. Emmett pulled out a bat. "But," I hesitated, "there's no thunder."

"Well, let's see if you hit hard enough to need it," he mocked stepping across the clearing to wind up his pitch. Rosalie squatted behind me, ready to catch the ball. I hoped she wouldn't have to. I squeezed the bat tightly and watched very carefully.

I felt a tingling run through my arm and a thunderous crack as I connected with his pitch. Emmett was caught off-guard and ran to try to catch the ball. I stood flexing my fingers, trying to work feeling back into them.

Rosalie stood and took the bat from me. She ran her hand down my arm until Emmett returned with the ball. Then she ran up to him and slapped him. "A fastball? For her first pitch?" she shrieked. She made to slap him again, but he caught her hand. "You could have broken her arm!" She was still yelling.

"We'll have to wait for a storm next time, Uncle Em!" I shouted to him.

After calming Rose down, Emmett swung me onto his shoulders for the run home. That was always fun, higher than sitting on Jacob's back. He put my feet in his hands as he approached the river and launched me just before he jumped himself. We each somersaulted once in the air and I landed standing on his shoulders on the lawn.

"Tada!" we said together to the applause of my parents and grandparents.

After that Rosalie helped Mama and I finish packing. Everything except the tent and Jacob's and my sleeping bags were stowed in large backpacks. I couldn't wait to rejoin my fierce friends in their home in Brazil. I had missed their shared mind.

When I was only a few months old, two of them, Zafrina and Senna had come to stand with my family against the Volturi. When I had met Senna and Zafrina, I knew there was something different about them, something shared. Knowing how Jacob and his pack mind worked, I believed it was something similar, and I was right. Senna had been happy to include me in the circle, especially when Kachiri, the third member, was missing. I couldn't take her place, but I did fill the void a little. I missed the peace their minds had brought and wanted to see the wonderful sights they'd shown me through Zafrina's visions. In just a few more days I would.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke the morning of our trip ahead of my parents. I heard the usual sounds coming from their room, and, as usual, ignored them. My father often heard my conscious thoughts soon after I woke and the noises stopped, so I'd never gotten overly curious. It was just a grown-up thing, or maybe a vampire thing. Either way, it wasn't something I'd ever concerned myself with.

I stumbled to the kitchen in my nightdress and pulled out a raw steak. It was a larger than normal breakfast, but I was hungry and wouldn't get a chance to hunt until we got to Quito. I took the meat with me through the french door to our secret garden. I'd eaten about half when I realized the sounds hadn't stopped. I tiptoed around the pond with the meat hanging from my mouth.

It sounded like they were killing each other. That couldn't be right. I crept a little closer to the house and peeped in their window. They were naked, they were entwined, and my mother was screaming. But from her face, she wasn't in pain.

My father caught my eye briefly.

I dropped my breakfast and ran hoping he wouldn't follow quickly. I tried to comprehend what I had seen. I couldn't. I had no concept of what they had been doing. I blanked my mind filling it with clouds, birds, Jacob, and circled back to the cottage. They were dressed and in the sitting room when I returned.

"Good morning, Nessie," Mama greeted me.

"'Morning." I headed to my room to get dressed. My father followed me. I was busy planning my outfit, wondering if I had time for a final lesson with Grandfather.

"Did you want to talk to us, Renesmee?" my father asked.

"Ummm, no. I was just thinking of sneaking in one more lesson before we go. Will I have time?" I turned to face him.

"Will you tell me what you saw?" he asked.

"Not much." I took his hand and showed him. "I only ran because I thought you were angry, and I wanted a chance to think first."

"We're not angry, sweetie," Mama answered from behind him. "We just want you to know that we're here when you want to talk about it."

"Ok." I flushed a little and didn't even know why. I turned and pulled off my night dress finding a fresh pair of panties.

"She really doesn't have any idea..." I just barely made out my father's whisper. I really hated when they talked about me while I was standing there. And no, I didn't have any idea. Why would Mama scream if she wasn't in pain? How _could _I understand that?

My father's sigh was more audible. "You're sure you don't want to talk about it."

"No!" I was indignant now. I hated being ignorant. I was going to solve this one on my own, thank you very much. I shoved my legs into a pair of worn jeans. Worn by some chemical process, I'd only owned them a few weeks.

I turned back to my parents with my shirt in my hand. "Actually, there is something I wanted to ask you. Well, Mama. How big do my breasts need to be for me to need a bra?" I asked pointing at my chest.

My father froze, then growled. Then froze again. I wondered if he was well. Mama seemed less fazed though not entirely comfortable. "Well, you don't need one yet, but if you'd like I can ask Alice to find you some for when we return. They make 'training bras' that are less functional to adapt girls to wearing the garment."

"So they train girls not breasts. Well, I guess I could use one of those, but when do I need one?"

My father was still alternating between choking on his own tongue and gaping.

"Edward, would you like to leave?" Mama asked him, finally noticing his distress.

"Yes, thank you." He bolted. I wondered where he had gone and why.

I looked back to my mother for my answer. I'd ask the other question after.

"If they hurt when you run or jump it's because they are bouncing. You need the support to stop that, that's the function. Your aunts and I are able to get away without them because we are less... fleshy than humans, we don't have that problem as significantly. We still wear them for the visual effect, though. While we don't get pain from their movement, and their movement is reduced, we attract more attention. We try not to do that."

I understood, I thought. "So why is Edward uncomfortable?"

"The same reason I am. We aren't ready for you to need one yet. Also, it's less comfortable for him because it means he has to start thinking of you as a woman. That's never easy for fathers. Mine was terrible."

"Grandpa was uncomfortable?"

"Oh yes. He was grateful that I was living with Renee when these things came up, but once I had to ask him to help me find feminine supplies. I thought he'd burst vessels in his face he was blushing so hard." She chuckled.

"Feminine supplies?" I was still a little confused.

She said a word Grandmother had told me never to use. I pretended I hadn't heard. "How much biology has Carlisle taught you? I don't know if I'm ready for the whole talk today. Have you covered reproduction?"

Ah... I thought I understood now. "Estrus?" She smiled and nodded. "So what do humans do about that?" I hadn't thought about it at all.

"They use napkins or tampons to absorb it."

"Vampires don't have it." I assumed if my aunts and mother had been in estrus over the last 3 years I would have noticed at some point.

"No. That's why you were conceived before I was changed."

"Right." I took Mama's hand and showed her my memory of the morning. She gasped and pulled her hand from mine. "But you and Edward can't reproduce anymore so..."

"I'm really not ready to have this talk yet," she muttered to herself.

"It's Okay, Mama. I'm not crazy curious, and I'm hoping to learn more on my own."

Her face fell and she looked the direction Edward had gone. "I'll be right back."

I spent the moments thinking. I knew about mating but only in terms of animals. It was like bras and breasts. I could understand functionality, but obviously there was something more than that. Or maybe that was only the case with vampires? Were Mama and Edward still mating, but not reproducing, for the same reason they drank blood? Some urge they had? That made sense. But I drank blood too, so would this urge come as well? Why wouldn't I already have it? I already craved blood.

"Ness?" I looked up to my father. "Are you sure you don't want to ask us..."

"And make you any more uncomfortable? No, I'll figure it out. I needed a new puzzle anyway." I pulled my shirt on and headed outside.

Grandfather's final lesson was in logic. I appreciated that. It helped me exercise my theories. I still hadn't come to any sort of sense when my parents arrived at the house carrying our packs. I carefully set my thoughts to the upcoming trip. Jacob had arrived a few minutes before in his Rabbit with his backpack. We loaded up the Volvo and said goodbye to my family. I sat with Jacob in the back seat. We played thumb wrestling for a while, then he decided to have a tickle fight. Edward punched Jacob over the seat.

"Geez, man, lighten up! What's his problem?" he asked me.

I showed him my peeking. Edward swerved wildly. I grasped Jacob as I lurched into him.

"What is it, Edward?" Mama was worried.

"I... bent the wheel. It'll be all right; it will get us to Seattle.

"Oh." Jacob said. "Ummm, yeah." He was blushing now. "Exciting morning at home, Bells?"

"She didn't."

"She did," Edward answered.

"What?" I asked indignant. "You wanted me to tell you what I saw, why wouldn't I tell Jacob?"

"Because it's private, Nessie," Mama said through her teeth.

"S'okay, Bells. Though, damn you two. You know you have a kid in the house, right?"

"Jacob, if you don't shut your mouth..." Bella threatened. It was the first time since the day I met her that I had thought of her as Bella.

"I got this," he told her.

Edward growled, "Just don't go showing her anything."

Jacob slapped the back of my father's head just as Mama punched his arm.

"Idiots," Jacob muttered turning to me. "That was a special moment between your Mom and Dad, Ness. They didn't want you to see that, and they definitely didn't want you showing it to others."

"Why? Not why don't they want me to show, I get that. Why is it private?"

Now Jacob was blushing again, "Ok, maybe I don't got this after all... She knows the physics, right?" he asked up front.

My father growled more loudly. "Yes," Mama answered. I was annoyed again; he could have asked me.

"Forget it! I don't want to know! Are we almost there?" I had never wanted so badly to be _away _from my parents, especially my snoopy, mind reading father.

I heard the brakes squeal. "Out," he said.

"I'll meet you at the airport," I said snidely, running into the trees. Jacob was close behind, but he was slower as a human than I was.

I was angry, I was hurt, and I still didn't understand any of it.

"Nessie, hold up!" I ran faster. He'd have to come naked if he wanted to catch me. I howled my frustration to the air. I tore my shirt over my head letting my anger at my father overwhelm my sense. I started ripping off my jeans and tripped on them falling in a heap on the forest floor.

I was crying into my hands with my pants around my knees when Jacob jogged up, panting slightly. "Nessie," he consoled me. "It's not your fault. No one blames you. Come here." He pulled me into his lap and let me cry on his chest.

"No.. no..." I put my thoughts through my hands on his neck. _No one wants to tell me. I'm trying to understand. I'm trying. I don't even really know why I'm crying, why I'm so mad. What's wrong with me? Am I broken?_

"Sweetie, sweetie. You're growing up. It's confusing for everyone, even parents." He smoothed my curls down my back and my sobs started to subside.

_I saw Edward's eyes and I thought he was going to attack me, like he was attacking Mama. It wasn't like that, I know, but I've been afraid since. I don't understand and that makes me angry. Why am I so messed up?_

"Hormones. Did Carlisle cover those?"

I sniffled and thought on that. "Thank you." I told him.

"Anything for you, Nessie." He kissed my cheek and handed me my shirt. "Can I ask why you were streaking?"

I laughed; it was a blubbering. "Because my Dad told me not to."

"That's a teenager, all right." He laughed with me as I popped my head through my shirt.

I spent a few minutes thinking about hormones. Jacob swung me onto his back and started walking through the woods. I jumped down quickly and took his hand instead. "So, this teenager-adolescence thing. It's, what five years for humans? eight?"

"Depends on the person, somewhere in there."

"So..." I did some rough math, "I might be able to get away with only one year."

He laughed loudly. "I thought your growth was slowing."

I froze, he was right. His hand slipped out of my grip and he turned, "What? What is it?"

"More than a year, more than two. If I'm adult after seven... I'm stuck with this for nearly as long as humans, aren't I?"

He laughed again, "Oh no, you don't get to shortcut. Well, just be glad you don't sprout fur and bust out of clothes. Some of us had worse adolescences than others."

I smiled. "Thanks again. I imagine I'm going to be a pain to be around for a while. If what I've heard is at all applicable to me." I picked up the pace a little; I didn't want my tantrum to make us miss our flight.

"I can take it," he assured me. "Your parents aren't ready for it, though. They still think of you as a baby."

"I know. I do, too. It's really confusing. I didn't even know I had breasts until you hugged me the other day."

Jacob stumbled. "Yeah... I hadn't either. I wouldn't have then if you hadn't... drawn attention to them."

"Now what did I do?" I whined. Was I going to embarrass or alienate everyone for the next three years?

"It's just... surprising. I never thought of you as a woman, that's all."

"That's really all? It's not. I know it's not." I snatched my hand away again. "I can find the airport on my own."

"Ah, Ness," he whined after me. "Your Dad's gonna kill me when you show up alone," he shouted after me, hoping to play on my emotions. Well, it worked, he'd made me madder.

I skidded to a halt. I was going to catch a flight. I was going to see Zafrina, Senna and Kachiri. I just had to keep it together another day. The circle would answer everything. There was no embarrassment, no shame in the shared mind. I turned and ran back to Jacob.


	3. Chapter 3

When I stepped off the plane, the humidity hit me like a wall. Then came the smell. I was used to the dirty smells of nature, not those of humanity. I had never been to a city before Seattle, and I'd stayed to edges of that. Quito was much warmer and much more tightly packed. The smell of human was thick. I didn't mind too much, but I worried for my parents. I looked over my shoulder and only met my father's eye for a minute before whipping my head back.

I still wasn't talking to him. I knew I should, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to ask for forgiveness and I wasn't sure I was ready to forgive him. I was close. I knew he didn't snoop, that had been unfair of me.

Our coldness had made the flight very quiet and very long. Mama and Jacob had sat between us. Jacob and I were great again. He understood that my mood was fleeting and didn't hold anything against me. Mama was still angry with Edward for expelling me from the car so she was sitting beside me while Jacob sat beside Edward. He wasn't making it easier for either of my parents. Edward had silenced him by stepping on his foot more than once. He'd only bothered Mama once, whispering something in her ear. She'd slapped him and Edward had stepped on his foot at the same time. We got a lot of dirty looks from fellow passengers as Jacob guffawed.

Mama tried hard to reassure me that they weren't angry, which I didn't believe any more, and that they wanted me to feel free to tell them anything, which I didn't. Finally I had claimed I was sleepy and dug a sleep mask out of my seat back. I hadn't removed it until we were landing, which was ten hours later, most of them in the daylight. I slept a small part of that.

Now I looked out on the night covered city. It was foreign. It was alien. It was awesome. I craved knowledge and I was getting a load of it simply by standing here. I could see the difference in the structures. I could smell the remains of evening meals and make out the different ingredients used here. I could hear the Spanish, and although I knew the language, I picked up three idioms before leaving the airport. I also heard words in a new language and cataloged them for future research. The clothing, the signs, the names - it was all new.

My father finally took my hand as we got to the taxi. I was squeezed between him and my mother as Jacob sat by the driver. "Nessie..." He seemed at a loss for words; I'd never seen that.

"I know, Daddy. I know." I put my forehead to his in the car and cried a little. I wasn't mad at him at all anymore. I just wanted things to be right between us again.

"They are. I hope they can stay that way."

I snorted thinking about hormones, "Not likely."

He chuckled, "Well, we'll try."

Mama patted my thigh. She was happy we'd made up. I hoped this forgiveness stretched to her and Edward. I was sure it would. It felt _wrong_ when they weren't together.

The driver was surprised when we unloaded all our luggage.

"We're meeting friends," Edward told him as he paid our fare.

I shouldered my huge backpack and picked up the tent. Jacob snagged it from me with his own pack on now. "I got it."

I caught a scent on the breeze and ran before the cab had left. I ran straight into my aunt's arms. "Alice!" I hugged her and showed her how much I missed her.

"Happy Birthday!" Was it really my birthday? Today? It had to have been the worst birthday of the four, it might have been the worst day of my life, except that that had been in my first year. Alice hadn't paused, "Have you grown out of those jeans already?" she chided looking at how much ankle I showed.

I shrugged. "They lasted longer than the last pair. Jasper!" I ran and hugged him too.

He bent to my ear, "If you need anything, sweetie," I felt instantly more balanced, "you just let me know." Hormones were Jasper's stock and trade. I would be taking him up on his offer.

"I will, and thank you."

"Nessie," my father growled.

Now what had I done? Oh, I had run. Ooops.

"You're just lucky you aren't as fast as we are," he threatened.

"Yes, Dad."

That was when I saw Zafrina standing behind Alice and ran to her. "Where's Senna?" I asked.

"At the river. It is easier for us to resist when only one of us encounters humans." I understood. She was using them and their surroundings to keep herself grounded.

"Then we should go quickly." I turned back to my family to see Mama hugging Alice.

"The others are waiting for us at the river," Alice announced.

Zafrina led the way. I ran to Senna when I saw her. "I need to talk with you, later," I told her before the others caught up. She didn't bring me into the circle right away, understanding my wish for privacy. There would be none of that with my father nearby.

I thought we would follow the river, but instead we went mountain climbing. The conical peak of Cotopaxi on the horizon was impossible to miss. The snow covered tip sparkled in the moonlight. With a little help from my relatives, we were able to reach the peak before midnight. I was thankful for my hybrid metabolism when we hit the snow.

I rode on Jasper's back while Edward carried Jacob's bag, he was going wolf to keep up. Jasper kept me balanced the whole time I was in contact with him. When had I become a bag of hormones? Was it as sudden as it seemed to me?

"Pretty much," Edward answered my question.

Jasper looked at him.

"You might know better. Did this sneak up on Nessie the way it seems to us?"

He chuckled, "No. She's just more resistant, more logical. I felt the changes coming, but she didn't exhibit anything outwardly."

"How long?" I asked.

"Not long. A month or two. Just broke on you did it?"

"Can I tell him?" I asked my father.

"I will, if you don't mind. She spied Bella and I. She's been out of sorts since. She's... confused obviously. And Bella and I aren't helping, I think."

I stuck my tongue out at him. It was nice to be balanced. Maybe I could talk this out. "I just hate being ignorant. And you and Mama keep getting all nervous anytime I ask why you would mate if not to procreate."

Jasper coughed. "Wow, busy week."

"Day," Edward corrected him.

"This morning? No wonder she's a mess." I felt a wave take out my anger as it formed. "Settle, Ness, no insult meant. I just understand how that could get you into such a scramble. You going to be Okay tonight if I take off with Alice? I think we might... mate some ourselves." He snickered but Edward punched him in the gut.

"Dad..." I moaned. "At least he isn't being awkward about it. I still don't understand what's so embarrassing. I thought you were attacking Mama, but you weren't, she liked it. That's good."

Jasper coughed again. "I don't want to know what she saw, do I?"

"It's probably not quite as bad as you imagine, but close," Edward answered.

He nodded. He must have shared something with my father who was growling again. I didn't care and hugged Jasper's neck. "Thank you," I whispered.

"Any time, sweetie." He swung me down as we reached the summit. Senna and Kachiri were already unrolling the tent.

I climbed in first, pulling my pajamas from my pack. Mama tossed in two sleeping bags ahead of herself. She unrolled them while I changed. Edward followed with Jacob's pack, pulling out a pair of flannel pants for him.

"Will you be all right if your Mom and I don't share the tent tonight?"

I was glad I didn't have to answer aloud, it might hurt Mama's feelings. W_ould you please?_ I thought instead.

He smiled at me and opened my bag. "We'll be just outside if you need anything," he promised.

"I know." I rolled onto my arm so I wasn't facing toward Jacob when he padded in, completely filling the tent. He phased, opening some space. He flipped his bag over so our openings faced each other and climbed in.

"Chilly here," he commented. "With the humidity at the airport, I expected it to be warm."

"It is when you aren't on a mountaintop." I chuckled.

"You want to talk more? Or are you just about as exhausted as I am?"

It was rare I got time alone with human Jacob. I was tempted to take advantage of the opportunity, but I was exhausted. We'd have other nights. "Just about," I answered him with a yawn.

He leaned over to hug my shoulders through my bag and kissed my forehead. "'Night, sweetie"

"G'night, Jacob."

A few hours later I was woken by a cool touch on my shoulder. _Your parents are gone. Are you awake enough to join now?_

I broke Senna's hold to scramble from the bag. I'd need another hour or two of sleep to be sure, but I wasn't about to miss this chance.

I followed her out, barefoot, to where Kachiri and Zafrina stood hand in hand. I wrapped my arms around Zafrina's waist and the circle closed around me.

I dumped the whole load on them. I went through events backwards, flinging them out of me. Jasper finally making me sane. My fight with my father, my frustration, seeing my parents, my new breasts. I felt them shudder and step back, breaking the circle.

I sank to my knees and began to cry. They didn't want me either. I was too far gone even for them. I was too messed up.

A hand touched my shoulder. _Do not blame yourself. You have grown too much. The circle wasn't big enough to hold you and everything you brought. I have made it larger. You will fit now. Please, come, tell us everything. We will help in any way we can._

I was lifted in Zafrina's arms and they closed to hug me again. I went more slowly this time, focusing on what I wanted most. I wanted to understand the changes happening in me. I wanted to understand what had exchanged between my parents and why they were uncomfortable about me knowing it.

_Even in the circle that will take some time, little one, but we will help you. You can see our experiences, though they are limited and foggy. We will share all we can. _

_But her father..._

_We can do this at night_

_She needs sleep_

_There is another way_

_Will she do it?_

_I think I can convince her, _I finally contributed. _I will ask her._

Senna's idea, of course, had been that Mama could shield our circle.

_I should get some more sleep tonight, _ I reminded them.

The circle opened and Zafrina wished me sweet dreams.

Rather than climb back into my own, now cold, sleeping bag I stuffed myself into Jacob's. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me. I did the same and was asleep before I had any more time to think.

The next morning I approached Mama. "Mama, can I talk to you... Privately," I gave my father a pointed look.

She caught on quickly. "Ummm, sure."

I waited until I felt her shield before I took my mind from indexing the flora I had seen in our travels yesterday. "Thank you."

"What is is, honey? You know you can tell your father anything. He loves you."

"I know, but this isn't my secret to share with him." I took her hand rather than explain everything aloud. I showed her the circle. I showed how they planned to help me, I showed our idea of having her shield all four of us.

"Please, Mama. I just... don't want to share _all_ of this with him. Not right away. And he doesn't know about the circle. I don't think they want him to, not completely."

"Give me a day to think about it? And to talk to him. I won't betray your secret, just tell him you want to talk with your friends."

"That sounds good," I agreed. "And thank you."

That day, we descended and followed the stream that was one of the feeders of the mighty Amazon. At the base, we found boats that our friends had stashed for us.

We camped on the shore that night. This time, I did chat with Jacob. We talked about all the things we'd seen that day. I taught him a little more Spanish; his was rusty.

In the morning, I shared one of the small craft with Senna as Mama shielded all four of us. Kachiri and Zafrina kept their canoe close to ours. My education began.

They were right. The memories were fuzzy. They told me this was because human memories are less clear, harder to remember. They had all matured as humans and been changed in their third decade. They did remember feeling awkward, off balance, at odds with family and friends. They remembered their bodies changing, boys noticing these changes while changing themselves. Zafrina remembered one particular boy who found her behind her father's hut and kissed her the first time.

I smiled broadly at this memory. It was carefree. She had enjoyed it, he had enjoyed it, and their bumping noses hadn't deterred them in the slightest. He had died in a tribal dispute not long after and Zafrina had never found another boy that grabbed her attention.

Kachiri showed me her husband. He was a strong and proud man. He had loved her very much. She showed me how they had made love. How pleasure could reach the point of pain. How pain could be pleasurable. How they never pushed each other farther than the other wished to go. She had lost her husband to a wild cat only two years before her conversion.

Senna went last, her memory was the most disturbing. At first she didn't want to share her memories, but the others convinced her that my knowledge should be complete. Senna's uncle had raped her when she was young. She showed me the pain that was pain. The fear that came with it. The sense of loss and remorse at having her maidenhood stripped from her. He came to her often after that first time, and it was never as bad as the first, but it was never healthy either. He hadn't looked for her suffering, just his own release. I understood why Senna was so abject about men in the circle now. She nodded at me.

I was still a little fuzzy on the whys of embarrassment. Kachiri shared more of her memories, the expressions on her husband in the throws of passion, her own. The intimacy of the act. I started to understand why you might not want to share this with anyone and everyone.

When the sun began to set, we pulled the boats ashore and walked another hour before setting up camp. I grabbed Mama's hand on the way to thank her. She pulled her shield back immediately. I apologized for snooping on her and my father and promised to try not to do it again. I also tried to explain to her how wonderful it felt to know that she and my father still loved each other so very very much.

She squeezed my hand in return. Then my father came up behind me and scooped me into his arms. "We still love you very very much."

I laughed at his cold lips on my ear. "I know," I told him.

I had lots of questions for Jacob that night. "Jacob, have you ever had sex?"

He coughed, and I heard my father growling outside. "Ummm, no, and I think your Dad wishes we weren't having this conversation."

"Too bad for him," I half shouted, my thoughts almost as loud. I brought my voice back to normal or even lower than normal. "I want to know. I mean, he and Mama have sex. Alice and Jasper have sex, so I wanted to know if you had."

"Heh. Well, I haven't."

"Have you kissed a girl?"

He got a wide grin and my father growled again. "You really want to know this? Wait, you already know this. We told you when you were tiny. I loved your Mama, Ness. I kissed her."

"Oh, right. SORRY DAD! I FORGOT!" I laughed now.

He stuck his head in and Jacob and I laughed louder. "Is this a private conversation or not?" he asked.

"I guess that depends on _you_," I said meaningfully.

Jacob just laughed again, "Nah, com'on in. We can swap kissing Bella stories and I'll braid your hair." He was practically rolling now.

"Not funny, Jacob," my mother commented from outside. I joined in Jacob's guffaws now; it was very funny. My father backed away in a huff.

When our sides had stopped hurting, I asked Jacob another question. "What did you say to Mama that she slapped you?"

He flushed. "I don't think I want to repeat that. I don't think she'd appreciate me repeating it either."

"Okay." I tried not to be disappointed.

He realized how badly I wanted to know and sighed. "Not in these words, but I told her how good she looked in your father's arms. They both took offense to that." He chuckled.

"Oh! Well she did. I mean, not at first. I thought he was hurting her, but..."

"And I'm going to stop you there. Your Mama doesn't want me remembering that. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want you remembering that either, but I _know_ she doesn't want me remembering it." He threw his arm over his eyes.

I leaned over him. "You used to think about her like that."

"Yeah. Not since the day you were born, though. Only have eyes for you, now."

I laughed.

"What? It's true."

That brought me up short. "You think of me that way..."

"What! No! Ah geez... I just don't think about other girls at all."

"Oh."

Suddenly my father had his head in the tent again.

"She started it, man. My head wasn't anywhere near there, you know it."

"Maybe you should take a stroll to the creek, Jacob. Stick your head in?"

Jacob looked at the question in my eyes and smiled at me. "Nah, it's all good now, right?" He turned back to my father. I thought flames should flying between them, but nothing happened. Edward hrmphed and left again. Jacob pulled me to his chest and answered my question. "You got me thinking, and then I saw you older... and your father didn't like what I wanted to do with you."

"hmmm" I mumbled and then yawned.

That night, I dreamed of being older and with Jacob. My father was not happy when he came to wake me.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: rather than translate to and from Portuguese, I have italicized conversations in another language. Forgive me for taking the easy way out. I'm not as bright as Renesmee ;)_

I sat in the front of Jacob's canoe today. Edward had gotten over his flash fury of a couple of days ago, and I didn't have anything to share with the circle just now, so Senna rode with Kachiri while I rode with Jacob. I was a terrible oarsman. Thankfully the current was moving us along fairly well on it's own and Jacob was able to steer effectively while I kept leaning out to touch vines or flowers. The river was still very rough in places and I made sure to do my part when directing us through the ugly patches. Now that we were entering some _serra_, the Amazons had planned a portage for us.

Today, we were still on the water, though. I followed a heron as it glided over the water on our left. I looked behind me and saw Jacob, smiling contentedly, paddle on his lap and two butterflies perched on his head. They were large, but so was he. Still, it looked like he had a pair of hair ornaments on either side of his face. I snickered a little.

"What?" he asked.

I took his hand and showed him himself. He brought his free hand to his head immediately moving to shake them away.

"No!" I shouted grabbing his wrist. I put my hand in front of the red-winged insect. It climbed to my finger and I pulled it away. I put my hand to my hair and waited until it climbed off. Then I turned over my other shoulder to get the second one.

"You are too cute," Jacob complained as the second butterfly perched on my shoulder. "Way too girlie."

I laughed. "How much is too much?"

"When you're too busy making pretty to row," he said, splashing me and frightening the butterflies away. "Aw, I'm sorry, Nessie."

I laughed again, "Because I'm sure I'll never have butterflies land on me again this trip." We'd seen some every day so far, usually when we set up camp for the night. "Oh, I'd better help you row, the others are getting too far ahead."

With a few quick strokes, we were behind my parents. Mama wasn't rowing either. She leaned back into Edward and smiled lazily at me. She was enjoying this trip, I could tell. Edward caught my eye then and smiled, too. His expression said, 'if she's having fun, I'm having fun.' And I knew it was true. I was also sure that my father would have enjoyed this trip on his own. Well, on his own in the time before he knew Mama; I doubted anything could interest him enough to leave her for long.

Alice was leaning out of her canoe to pick some orchid flowers. She had a fair collection in the bottom of her craft already. "What are you going to do with them all?" I asked.

"Not sure yet, just experimenting with the color combination."

"How are you doing, Nessie?" Jasper asked.

"Great. Just..." I looked over at my blissful parents, "perfect."

He smiled back. "I like seeing them happy too."

"Who doesn't?" Alice agreed.

"Me," said Jacob. "I mean, how many years of smoochy-face does it take?"

Edward didn't even look at Jacob, just deftly swung the tip of his oar to flick water in his face. I laughed with Alice and Jasper.

I couldn't think of a better place, a better day, a better family. My life was the best it had ever been. Had I really been so messed up just two days ago? I lay back in the canoe and looked up to the clouds in the sky. My hair fanned out behind me onto Jacob's legs, and I watched a sandpiper fly over us. Then we passed under a pair of trees that nearly met, and I inhaled their scent. I felt Jacob's lips on my forehead and closed my eyes. Bliss.

On the _serra_ we hunted. I was surprised when the Amazon's came with us. They brought me into the circle to explain. _In the deep forest humans are very rare. We could go months without catching trace of one. We do not enjoy venturing into human territory so we eat what we find. Human or not. _

They didn't restrict their diet. That was interesting. Would they mind if I shared that information with my family? Zafrina took down the ocelot my father had just spotted and answered that question for me.

I decided to leave the ground quarry and started climbing a tree. Jacob growled and followed as best he could. Wolves were not built to climb.

"Go back," I told him, "I'm just going up and down, no jumping, promise."

He huffed but did as I requested. I passed many more animals and insects as I climbed. I stopped on one limb to inspect a brilliant green vine snake that I'd almost missed, blending so perfectly into the Liana twining the tree. A little further I found an Amazonian poison frog sitting right on the colored center of an orange bloomed bromeliad. The blue legs contrasting with the orange was amazing. I would show this to Alice later, she might use it somehow. Finally an emerald tree boa was hidden among the greenery near the canopy. I watched it regard me and snatched it's head as it started to uncoil. Draining it's fluid, I coiled it's length around my waist and kept the head in my teeth while I peeked through the canopy.

My jaws released my prey. The mists rising from the trees were amazing. The sheer vastness of the forest, the green was unending. Birds circled and called over the tops. It was so very different from below. I leaned against another branch and stopped to admire the view for a long while. I heard my Zafrina calling my name.

"Nessie? Do you need help coming down?" By the sound she must be halfway up the tree herself.

"No! I'm coming!" I shouted back. I took one last wistful look at the canopy before beginning my descent. I'd probably have another chance to see it. My family was very glad to see me when I descended. Apparently I was far enough up Edward had trouble hearing my thoughts. That surprised me. Did his gift have vertical limitations?

"Nice look, Nessie. Very wild woman," Alice commented. I still had my boa around my waist. I laughed and began to skin and eat my kill.

My family were appreciative of the abundance and variety of prey. Jasper had decided to sample Tapir, but didn't find it to his liking. Edward had found an anaconda and suggested Jasper try that next time. Senna and Kachiri had each taken constrictors as well, but none had a skin as fine as mine. I offered it to them. Mama was sampling birds. I fancied this idea myself and began stalking with her. We found a pair of Hoatzin. Mama didn't care for the taste, but I did. I made a note to keep an eye out for these plump birds in future. Jacob agreed with me, greedily snapping a third one nearby. Alice took to the trees eventually, and caught herself a squirrel monkey. She recommended them, but it seemed too much like eating human to me and I didn't want to tempt myself that way.

Our thirsts attended to, we returned to sightseeing. Alice enjoyed swinging on any vine that would cooperate. It only took watching her twice to decide I couldn't resist either. We were soon somersaulting together, frightening up all manner of insects and birds.

And so went our days. For ten glorious days and nine nights we floated and hiked along the Rio Napo. Every day I found new animals and plants. Every day I learned more about my new friends and family. Every day my heart sang. On the tenth day, I pulled my flute from my bag while Senna oared and began putting my heart to music once more. She put her hand on my shoulder and the circle added their songs as well. Pieces of that added to mine. Edward began to hum a counterpoint. The wild rhythm of the piece matched the undulating sway of the river. Something was still missing though. It was the song of my heart, but it was missing the thrumming beat.

That night, we camped outside Tefe. We planned to go into town in the morning for laundry. Alice had a smirk on her face and seemed to be humming. She was blocking Edward. Something was coming tomorrow. Excitement rose in me. I tried not to wonder what it could be, favoring instead to fill my mind with the green of the canopy. I was asleep as soon as Jacob crawled into his sleeping bag.

The sun was streaming through the canopy as we walked into Tefe. Jacob's skin and hair gleamed in the sunlight. I wondered what I looked like. Bedraggled, I was sure. We hadn't had much clean up time in the past two weeks. We trundled along, each hefting a second backpack. Jacob was leading, but he slowed as we followed the trail into town, letting me walk beside him.

I spotted a woman in her front yard and stopped to ask for directions to a laundromat. She pointed, telling me it was two blocks down. I thanked her and lifted my burden again.

"You want me to carry that?" Jacob asked.

"I got it. It's awkward more than heavy." I just wished my mother's pack fit me better, I'd have strapped it on in front as Jacob had with Edward's.

The laundromat was empty. I guessed it wasn't tourist season. I opened Mama's pack and dumped the contents on a table. Jacob did the same with Edward's. Then I slung my bag around, emptying my dirty laundry. "I'm just glad Alice and Jasper didn't send their stuff too. We'd be here all day," I muttered, beginning to sort.

Jacob snickered and added his clothes to the pile. It was fairly huge. I took our paper Real to the counter to get coins and soap. I asked how long the machines took. The man at the counter informed me that they were two hours to wash, three to dry. I suppressed a groan. Of course we were lucky to find a laundromat at all, even one with machines as ancient as these. I returned to Jacob who had just put all the denim in one washer. I plugged the machine with coins while he loaded another with whites. Once three washers were started, I found the washroom and cleaned my face. I combed my fingers through my hair and retied it. Better, still very dirty, but better. Jacob followed suit and when he returned I was slumped in a chair, doodling on the table with a finger.

Jacob lounged across from me, his barefoot tapping up and down on my calf. "Something wrong, Ness?"

"Just... we were having so much fun, and now." I blew out my breath making the curl on my forehead lift. It wasn't like a tree frog was going to hop onto the table between us or a butterfly float onto Jacob's head in here. I smiled at that memory and reached across the table to share it with him again.

He rolled his eyes. "Why don't you go for a walk around town? I can babysit the clothes."

I looked at him, my mouth half open. Go on my own? On my own, my own? I wasn't afraid, but I was stupefied. I had never gone anywhere without a family member or Jacob within earshot if not sight. I didn't know what to say.

"What's the matter, Nessie?" he leaned over to cup my cheek now, a little worried.

"Nothing really. Just. Something new to think about." I touched his hand and showed him me, alone.

"Oh, yeah. You've never really done anything on your own, have you? Well, you gotta fly sometime. You want me to push you out of the nest?" he leaned over and I could tell by the crook in his fingers he had tickling in mind.

"No!" I yipped, jumping up. I giggled a little and then stepped back through the door to the empty street.

I looked east and west but didn't see much in the way of people. It was still early in the afternoon, most were probably in siesta. I wandered a little anyway, partly to show Jacob I wasn't scared and partly to find something to learn. As I walked, I listened. I heard several languages, almost none of them Portuguese. I stopped at one yard to listened to a mother and son while pretending to pick a rock from my shoe. I learned several words in their language, mother, clean, work. I smiled and walked along, looking for another spot to eavesdrop.

I found a group of girls braiding each others hair in the shade of their house. They smiled at me as I passed by and I waved. I cursed myself for being too shy to say anything. Although no one here was speaking Portuguese, I was sure many of them could. After all, all the signage was in Portuguese.

I had circled most of the riverfront area of town and stepped back into the laundromat, grinning. Jacob was asleep in his chair, head on his hands. I kissed the top of his head, hoping not wake him, and peeked at the wash loads. They weren't finished, but one had unbalanced and I had to restart it. I walked to the counter again, still not sure what to do with myself. The man was reading a book now, and I tilted my head slightly to read the cover. It was a romance.

_"Do you have any books I could read while I wait?"_ I asked.

He smiled at me and opened the door beside him. I stepped into his office and saw a shelf of books. Most were romances, like the one he was reading, but one appeared to be a murder mystery so I snagged that.

I thanked him and went to sit and watch Jacob sleep.

Even in Portuguese the book only took me an hour to read. The ending was predictable. I'd reasoned out the killer by the end of chapter three. It wasn't badly written though. It taught me some new expressions at least. I moved the two finished loads to dryers, but the unbalanced one needed to finish the rinse. I took the book back to the counter and thanked the man again. Jacob was snoring and drooling now. I leaned on the table and looked out the window.

Siesta must have ended; there were people moving in the street now - men and woman in all sorts of styles of clothing. Their skins were different hues, but all were lovely shades of brown. Almost all had glistening black hair like Jacob's. I followed several with my eyes as they walked. Then I spotted the girls who had been braiding their hair. They were at the corner of the block swinging ropes.

I glanced back at Jacob quick, he was still asleep. I contemplated for a moment and then put my hand on his bare arm. He didn't wake. I sent an image of me jumping rope at the end of the block. He still didn't wake. Well, at least his subconscious knew where to find me.

I straightened my shoulders, shook out my hair, and then blew my breath out. It took me a moment, but eventually I remembered that I'd won over vampires, these human girls had smiled at me, they would like me too. And even though I had never jumped rope before, I had seen enough of them doing it to have confidence in my ability. With one last deep breath I walked out the door. The girls were a little younger than I appeared. Probably eight or ten. I stood nearby and waved again, shyly. I watched the two ropes swing in opposite directions and found the rhythm in it. That was all it took. Without a word, I dove inbetween the ropes and started jumping in time with the girl already there. I began to dance in time to the ropes, turning and kicking as she did. I clapped in time, too. Then we clapped each others hands and turned to start the pattern again. She was giggling with me by the third pass. That was when I didn't lift my foot quite high enough and tangled the rope on my ankle.

_"Sorry, sorry,"_ I said while still laughing. I looked up to see Jacob watching us from across the street. _"I'm Nessie." _They introduced themselves as Marin, Thea and Rosa. Marin and Thea were sisters, Rosa their cousin. I pointed to Jacob and told them he was my friend so they wouldn't be alarmed by our observer.

_"Hello, Jacob!"_ they called together then fell on each other giggling. _"He is so big!"_ I heard Rosa gasp. _"Yes, but very handsome,"_ Marin argued. _"Where do you come from?"_ Thea asked. I felt a little overwhelmed all of a sudden. I told them about my family visiting from America and that we were in town to do laundry today before continuing along the river. I offered to turn the ropes and answer more questions while they skipped. They accepted, but the questions never came. They were too busy skipping and dancing in time to a rhyme song. I caught on to the pattern quickly and sang along. Marin stumbled out of the rope when I did.

_"You speak Tupi?"_ she asked.  
_  
"No. Is that it's name?"_ I replied still speaking in Portuguese.

_"Then how?"_

_Ooops_, I thought. I glanced over at Jacob for inspiration.

_"Oh, he taught you a little?"_ Rosa filled in for me. They thought he was local. I smiled and nodded, glad for the excuse.

Marin whispered to Rosa, _"Here come the boys."  
_  
I looked over my shoulder again and saw a dozen boys ranging from seven to fourteen with a soccer ball. I had only ever watched soccer, and that not often. Grandpa Charlie and Emmett liked American Football. It seemed our skipping was to be put on hold while we watched the boys. Thea wasn't thrilled with this plan. She headed off toward the yard I had seen her in before. She was the youngest and not interested in boys, obviously. The boys split into teams and I now counted eleven, not twelve._ "Can I play?" _I asked. They looked dubious and Rosa and Marin looked scandalized. I blushed and started to back away.

"_Stay. Play_," the oldest boy said, smiling at me.

I smiled back with thanks.

I started in defense. I found it very easy to flick my toe at just the right moment to pull the ball from my opponent's path. One large boy was coming a bit too fast and went sprawling as my foot swept out. I offered him a hand. He smiled and took it.

"Pedro," he said.

"Nessie," I replied, but the ball was already back in play. I tried to sweep it away from another boy. "_Run her down, Paulo_!" on of his teammates yelled. I laughed and skipped to the side bringing my heel through last. I had to keep reminding myself to rein it in as the game swept me away.

Soon Pedro, the captain of our team not forward on the other, moved me to forward. I assisted Joao in several goals, passing back and forth. A couple of times he would shake his head at me in disbelief. Was I kicking too hard? Jacob was good at helping me keep up the human pretense. Every time I'd break away with the ball he'd yell, "Go Ness," but I heard, 'No, Ness' and slowed down a bit. The boys seemed impressed at my skill and Rosa and Marin were now narrowing their eyes at me.

I feigned breathlessness. _"I think I need to swap out, Marin?"_ I waved her into my place and went to stand next to Rosa. The boys picked right up as though nothing had changed. It soon became obvious that Marin felt very uncomfortable playing with the boys.

"_I thought she'd like to play with them,_" I told Thea.

"_She would, if Pedro wasn't playing. He distracts her._"

Fortunately for Marin, mothers started calling children for supper. I hadn't noticed it getting late. I trotted up to Jacob as my new friends left. "Time to fold?" I asked. I put a hand to his hip and twirled myself around as far as my arm allowed.

"Maybe, but I doubt it. You have fun?"

"Yes! Claire is the only girl my age I've ever known. It's wonderful!" I threw up my hands for emphasis.

"Dang, Ness. It sucks you're gonna miss out on grade school."

I tried not to appear as though his comment had stung, but it had, even if only a little. I wondered if my growth were slowing enough that I could go to school next fall. Would Mama and Edward let me? Would we have to move? They couldn't drop me off in Forks; we were already having to take care around Grandpa Charlie's neighbors.

"If I weren't growing so fast, do you think I _could_ go to school?" I asked Jacob, using him as a sounding board for my parents.

"You should be able to. Why not? It's not like you're a dangerous freak or anything." He smiled at his own sarcasm. I stuck out my tongue.

We went back to the laundromat and folded most of the clothes. The denim was still drying. I played with Jacob's fingers and showed him how much fun I'd had. I also showed him that Marin thought he was handsome. That made him grin. I showed him I thought he was handsome, too, and that made him laugh.

"So why didn't she want to play ball?" he asked me.

"Because a boy she likes was playing."

"Ah. I think I know which one."

"Really?" I asked. I knew his name was Pedro but there were two Pedros that I knew of and I didn't catch all eleven names.

"Yeah, the one you knocked down right at the beginning. She looked ready to spit nails at you when you helped him up."

"Oh." I tried to remember Pedro, but I mostly remembered the ball and the running. In the quiet between us I heard something outside. Music. Jacob smiled knowing I couldn't resist that.

"Go on, I'll catch up with you when these are finished."

I gave him a tight hug and ran out the door. I found the party a few blocks away. One family was celebrating. There were several men playing drums and flutes. I added a few of their phrases to the piece in my head immediately. There were several people dancing - men and women as well as children. I recognized a few of the boys from the game and waved when they spotted me. Pedro came out and grabbed my hands. "_It is _Tia_'s birthday!_" he yelled over the clamor and pointed to an older woman on the porch of the house clapping in time to the beat. Without saying anything else he pulled me into the yard to join the fiesta. There was food laid out and I sampled several things. I thought mango might just be my new favorite human food. The boys from the game never left my side, and I was glad. I think without a single familiar face I would have felt _very_ intimidated. Several girls introduced themselves, kissing me on my cheeks. After the second, I began reciprocating, picking up on the custom.

Pedro pulled me into the mash of dancing bodies. He twirled me once and then bumped my hip with his. I laughed and let myself get swept up in the pulsing beat. This was it, the beat my song was lacking. Soon I was jumping and twisting and gyrating with the family. Only my white skin made me stand out after the sun set. I noticed Pedro staying close to me throughout the dancing even though most everyone else came and went freely. I felt him brush himself against my back and side more often than the other dancers.

At one point, he took my hand, and still bouncing with the beat, led me out of the mash to the food table. More specifically to the water bucket. He dipped a glass for me. _"You are too warm, Nessie. Your kind must be careful not to overheat here."_

My kind? Oh, he meant Caucasian. I almost laughed. I downed the water quickly and dipped it again. I sipped the second more slowly and offered him the second half. He smiled and took it. I leaned on the table and snagged another piece of mango.

_"Will you be playing with us again tomorrow, Nessie?"_ Pedro asked, looking at me from under his lashes. His hand moved to cover mine. His smile was small, unsure.

_Uh-oh_, I thought. I saw my father out of the corner of my eye. _"I'm not sure. Let's dance some more,"_ I demanded, pulling him by the same hand into the throng. My father couldn't easily extract me from there. I looked back over my shoulder and saw Pedro smiling broadly at me. I also saw Jacob putting a hand on my father's shoulder. I met Pedro's eye and smiled back.

After another hour of dancing, some of the family started to depart. I finally got introduced to _Tia _Celia and wished her many happy returns. She looked from me to Pedro and winked at him. He blushed, and I stopped to admire how that looked on his dark skin. He noticed me looking and blushed more deeply. When I turned to step down from the porch I saw my family standing on the street. _"I think I need to go,"_ I told Pedro, casting a look over my shoulder.

_"Your family?"_ I nodded._ "Well, then I will wish you sweet dreams and hope you join us again tomorrow."_ Then he jerkily kissed me on the cheek and turned and ran. I watched him go a little quizzically before joining my parents.

"Why did he run?" I asked Mama. "Do I smell bad?" I sniffed my arm experimentally. I didn't notice any change.

She laughed. "No, no. He's just unsure of himself. That took courage for him, I think."

"Oh." My father was glaring at me. "What?" I asked. "Did I do something wrong?"

He shook his head, "You are warm?" he said sadly.

"So I'm not allowed to touch humans now?" I asked in a hiss.

"You can touch them. It's them touching you I have a problem with."

I rolled my eyes at him and turned my attention to Alice and Jasper. She was wearing a new sarong and he had a new pair of shorts. I knew they didn't have any clean clothes this morning.

"We're going to head home," Alice announced."But Huilan will be outside Manaus in a week. You should be there at about the same time."

"Really?" I squealed and tackle-hugged Alice. "Thank you!"

She laughed, "When did you get so tall? You're going to be bigger than me soon!"

"Never," I vowed. "I'll make myself stop growing."

She laughed again, "Don't think about it. Not everyone can pull off this look, my dear."

"When?" I asked, sure she'd know what I meant, but she didn't answer. "When did you get a hold of Nahuel and Huilan?"

"Oh I didn't actually. I sent word when we arrived with an ETA for you in Manaus. They made their decision a day or two ago."

I hugged her one more time before running and jumping into Jasper's arms. "You're gonna be fine, sweetie. You're doing just as well as you were before we left. I know that wasn't all me. Your friends?"

I nodded. "They helped a lot."

"I'm glad they did."

I hugged him once more, "Send my love and hugs to Aunt Rose, Em and Grandmother and father."

"Of course," Alice agreed.

"Thank you again, Alice. For all of this."

"Just look after yourself sweetie." she said meaningfully.

I chuckled. "I'm with Mama, Edward, Senna, Zafrina and Kachiri. And even if they all turned their back, you know Jacob doesn't take his eyes off me."

"True, true. It just bothers me that I can't look ahead for you. Something is going to happen though. Between you and Nahuel and Jake, all I see is your parents panicking. It is very disconcerting to not know what's coming."

"When? Should we be on guard?"

"Sometime after you meet up with Huilan. Looks like a few days, the river is much wider when your parents turn back for Manaus. I wish I could tell you more. Your father knows all I do and I don't see any point in worrying your mother. After all, what do we say? Something terrible is going to happen but not to you or Edward? Not terribly helpful that. I'm going to text Edward when you get to Manaus, let him know if I see anything else. Anything helpful. I hate these blind spots you make."

I'd asked Alice about myself and Jacob in her visions. I was different from Jacob, apparently. Jacob created darkness, blindness. She could see nothing of Jacob's future or the future of those with him. I was invisible to her. She could see everything around me, but not me. She could see the clothes come off the rack as I chose which to wear, but never see me put them on. She preferred my nature to Jacob's; she didn't like the dark. I understood her frustration. I still had trouble with people misunderstanding the messages I sent them. Having a gift was wonderful, but their natures could be so troublesome.

I thought on what she had told me. Edward came to join us, saying his goodbye to Alice. "Why did you tell her?" he asked with a sigh.

"She has a right to know, Edward. I can't see what's coming for her. Maybe a little warning will help her see it when it comes."

"You don't know it has anything to do with her. She could be running with us to Manaus."

"She could be, you're right. But I don't know that she will be."

"It's all right, Daddy," I assured him. "I probably won't even think about again until we get to Manaus. Perhaps by then the whole thing will be gone."

Alice nodded happily. There was every possibility that the decisions leading to this unknown disaster would be changed.

Jasper tapped Alice's shoulder, "We should be going."

"Yes, yes! Silly me, ignoring my own timetable. Take care Edward, Nessie. Keep a close eye on her, Jacob!" she hollered as Jasper started to pull her away. "I miss you, Bella!" and they were gone.

We made our way to the east edge of Tefe and into the forest. Zafrina had set up our tent east of town, but before I crawled in I stopped to hug Senna. I shared Alice's revelation with the circle.

_She didn't mention us?_

_No._ Was that because she didn't see them or she didn't look for them? I wished I'd asked now.

_We stay with Jacob, perhaps,_ Kachiri posited.

Senna shook her head, not quite believing that.

_If you did she wouldn't see you at all, for certain. Perhaps you just go in another direction and she didn't follow your future. I'll ask Edward to check when he calls her._

I made a renewed effort to put the entire thing from my mind. I changed into my dry pajamas with a sigh, knowing they wouldn't stay that way long.

Jacob joined me moments later. "So," he said teasingly.

"So?"

"Pedro?"

I laughed. "Pedro?" I continued to repeat.

"He seemed to be... enjoying your company."

"Yes, he did." I said with a smile. "I made a friend."

He rolled his eyes at me, "Like you have any trouble making friends."

I shrugged. "I have trouble getting the courage to make friends."

"You seemed to be full of courage tonight then."

I blushed a little remembering how many people I'd kissed or danced with or shaken hands. "It's easier once I've started." I rolled on my side to face him. "Why did he run away, Jacob?"

"'Cause he was scared you wouldn't like what he did."

This answer made more sense than Mama's. "Oh, but now I'll never have a chance to tell him that I did."

"Yeah, but I'm sure he'll know." Jacob brushed my hair from my face and kissed my cheek.

"I liked that," I told him with a smirk.

He chuckled. "I'll keep that in mind." He kissed me once more before settling to sleep himself.


	5. Chapter 5

Edward seemed reluctant to talk about the previous day. I now knew it was only at Alice's urging that he'd let me go into the town with Jacob at all. Well, that and the fact that Jacob knew no Portuguese. Mama didn't understand his reluctance or his bad mood now. I'd asked her about it this morning.

"It looked like you were having a great time with kids your age. Well your apparent age, anyway." Her light step barely scattered the beetles scurrying in the forest floor. I wished I could be so graceful.

"I was," I agreed. "I think I'd like to do that more," I hinted, "be with kids my age." I looked up at her, hoping she understood my meaning. I wanted to go to school. I wanted to play at being human more.

She put her arm around my shoulder sympathetically. "He is over-protective. I'll see what I can do. No promises though," I caught the glint in her eye that told me she would try her best.

"Thanks, Mama. I don't like it when things aren't right between any of us," I sent her an image of worms on my stomach, trying to give the impression of them in my stomach. She shuddered. "I want to understand. That's all I ever want it seems," I concluded, exasperated.

"My little sponge," she squeezed my shoulders. "Don't worry about Edward. I'm sure it's just something on his mind. He loves you more than anything," she assured me.

"Almost anything," I corrected.

She chuckled. "Almost anything," she agreed.

I looked over at him now. His eyes were drawn down. Was it really just that I was his little girl? Couldn't he understand that I wanted, I needed, to be more?

He met my gaze now and his face was pained. I reached back to Senna, pleading for some help from the circle. It was disturbingly quiet. They had no more idea than I did. They could see no cause for concern in my actions or intentions.

I tried to pretend nothing was wrong. The day improved drastically. We reached a mixing of the waters, where the brown-black water of one river met the clear water of the Rio Amazonas. It reminded me of oil and water, the distinct separation. Were Edward and I destined to be like this, always pushing the other away? I trailed my hand over the edge of the canoe, rippling the divide, hoping to find someway to cross over.

When next I looked to Edward, Mama was kissing him. That would help, I was sure. He seemed happier immediately. When we stopped to make camp, my father hugged me. He still didn't say anything, nothing really needed to be said, but I wished he would talk to me. I wanted to understand him the way he understood me.

"I don't understand you as well as you think," he whispered as he held me. "Just know I love you, and I worry for you."

Was that all it was? He was just concerned because of Alice's vision? But we didn't even know that had anything to do with me. I sent him images of me safe with him, Mama and Jacob. "Don't worry, Daddy. I can take care of myself a lot these days." I sent him an image of me making friends, me learning to cook with Sue, me learning from him and Grandfather Carlisle. "I won't go looking for trouble, I promise."

He kissed my forehead.

Then Mama came and hugged him from behind, gripping my shoulders too. She lifted both of us up and I laughed wildly. "Very human, Mama," I teased.

"You should be getting ready for bed, sweetie." She winked at me while pulling Edward away. I smiled and waved, turning for the tent. I paused to pull a gecko from the door before opening it. Jacob was inside, yawning.

"You're tired? You slept all day yesterday."

"Yeah? I'm a growing boy." He stretched bulging out the walls of the tent.

"Yeah, right. If I claimed that excuse, I'd sleep 24-seven."

He pulled me down beside him and hugged me.

"What was that for?" I asked.

"Just... saw you were having a rough day. Wanted to help make it better." He brushed my now loose hair from my face.

"Thanks," I hugged him again. "I love you, Jacob. It was rough. I didn't get much a chance to talk to Mama and Edward about school at all. And I'm glad I didn't even think about it, with my father brooding so much."

"Yeah, he had that face on." Jacob pulled down his brow. He looked like he was trying to pass something painful. I laughed.

"He doesn't look anything like that! More like this." I made my best stone face and then crossed my eyes looking at something too far away.

"You know your face will freeze like that," he teased me.

I smiled broadly. "No, really. We're better now. He was just overly worried about Alice's vision."

"Alice had a vision?" He seemed concerned now.

"No one told you?" I took his hand and replayed my whole conversation with Alice.

"Oh... I guess I can see why he might be a bit, overbearing. He relies too much on Alice," Jacob muttered, shaking his head. "Gotten used to knowing everything between the two of them. She's right though, we have no idea what might happen, maybe it's something to do with me, or Nahuel." He shrugged, but he didn't seem completely at ease either.

"Jacob? Don't worry about it, all right? I'm going to be careful. I'm not going anywhere without you." I didn't mention anything about my parents. In the long run, it was always Jacob I counted on.

"Yeah, I know, Ness." He kissed my head and held open my sleeping bag.

"Aw, a present, you shouldn't have!" I exclaimed, then calmly picked up the coral snake and turned to the door. It didn't seem terribly disturbed about being moved.

"How did that get in there?" he asked. He started looking through his bag more carefully. I laughed at him. Then I made spider fingers on his back and he flinched. I laughed harder. "That's not funny! You saw the size of those things, eeech." He shuddered.

I climbed in my bag, still giggling. "Good night, Jacob. Sweet dreams, of creatures with less than eight legs," I teased.

"Yeah, may yours be filled with creatures with none." He'd noticed my preference for snakes.

"Or feathers," I amended.

"I thought you were the one with feathers in your dreams."

"Oh right, never mind."

He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes.

* * *

We reached Manaus on schedule. In the intervening days, I kept to my promise, staying close to my family. I didn't think about Alice, visions, or even school at all. Edward never seemed quite as anxious again, although he never let me far from his sight, either.

According to Alice, Huilan was supposed to meet us on the west edge of the city outside the cemetery. We arrived there mid morning, but caught no scent of vampire or hybrid. Edward called Alice.

"I don't understand," we heard her through the phone. "They are in Manaus, but they won't be at the cemetery until tomorrow."

Kachiri snickered. "Politely late," she murmured. Senna took my hand and explained the local custom of arriving late to give the hosts time to prepare. I giggled, too.

Edward rolled his eyes picking up the thought. "Well, I suppose we'll just have to wait then. Any more news on the other matter?"

I thought to him, _Ask her about the Amazons. Does she see them?_

He looked to me and shook his head while listening for her answer.

"Nothing new, everything is still on schedule." She sounded untroubled. I was pretty sure that was for Mama's benefit. Suddenly I didn't want to hide this from her anymore. She would be very upset when she found what we'd kept from her.

Edward's eyes darted to me, daring me to move. I glared him down and moved to my mother's side. I took her hand without breaking his gaze. I dared him to stop me. He put his head in his hand. I showed Mama my conversation with Alice.

She made a little squeaking noise. "I wanted you to know. Now that it's less... tentative," I told her, meeting her eyes. "I'm going to be extra careful, so don't you worry! We're still going to have a great time. Promise!" I made my smile as happy and bright as I could.

"What about us?" Zafrina asked now that Edward had hung up with Alice.

"She doesn't see you. She doesn't know why but posits you stay near Jacob."

Senna snorted again.

"You must be fairly sure of the decision if she sees it so clearly," Edward countered.

I tried to recall all I knew of Alice's visions, the rules that governed them. She saw the most likely response to any given situation. My friends might not know it now, but they would be driven to follow Jacob when the time came. Otherwise Alice would see them with my parents, roaming the forest, where ever. They could choose not to, but their nature would draw them that way first. I took Senna's hand. This wasn't something I could explain in words.

The circle held that thought. Only one of their own could draw them to follow Jacob. They eyed one another warily. _Another shapeshifter?_

_Then one could be taken and not seen._

_Jacob could likely track_

_It doesn't seem right, something is missing_

_Yes, two shapeshifters? In Brazil? We've heard of none outside Jacob's tribe._

I didn't want to, but I thought the obvious. _Or it IS me._

I felt instant affection. _I'll be careful! _I reminded them.

"How about a hotel for the night?" My father interrupted the circle's musings.

"Ooh, Ooh! me, me!" Mama and I were both on our toes with our hands in the air. A bath? Clean clothes? Definitely. A pillow and bed, totally awesome.

He laughed at us and called a taxi; it was too sunny for my parents to walk through town. The Amazons gracefully declined Edward's offer, but would meet us back here in the morning. I had the feeling they were going hunting while in the tourist area. I tried not to think about that. I was glad I wasn't in the circle just now. They knew how I felt about hunting people, they just didn't agree. It was still easier when we didn't clash about it.

The taxi took us to the Mercure Manaus. My father rented us a beautiful two room suite. Great. One room for him and Mama, one for Jacob and me. He looked at me with a smirk. Yeah yeah, they didn't sleep. Jacob and I each got a room. He nodded and smiled. I stuck my tongue out and headed for the shower first. Jacob climbed in as soon as I'd wrapped myself in a towel and stepped out. Once I was dressed, I approached my father.

"I saw a mall on Rua Salvadore." The mall was only two blocks from the Hotel. "Can I go?"

Edward looked at me like I was insane. "Umm, if Jacob would like to accompany me, that is?" I amended. He had just come out of the bathroom.

Jacob laughed. "You won't be trying on clothes, will ya?"

"Why would I bother buying something like that? I want a souvenir that will fit me in a year." I retorted. Edward did not look mollified. "It would give you some alone time with Mama," I offered.

"Uh-uh leave me out of this," she complained.

"Please, Daddy? Please please please please please" I started bobbing like Aunt Alice when she really wanted something. I started punctuating pleases with kisses on his nose. He was starting to smile. "Yay!" I cheered.

"Just a minute," he qualified. I stopped twirling to meet his gaze, ready to agree to almost anything. "You won't leave his sight?" I shook my head. "You won't run off to any parties?" I shook my head. "You won't make a scene?"

"I can't promise that. I have yours and Mama's looks. I can stop traffic," I teased. "No, I won't cause any scenes. I just want to shop! I want to see and hear the people. I want to taste some more of the food..."

I'd won him over. Now his eyes were leveled on Jacob. "I know, I know," Jacob told him, "one hair on her head, blah blah blah. You wanna handcuff us?" We both stuck out our arms.

He rolled his eyes, and I skipped to the door on Jacob's arm.

The mall wasn't everything I'd hoped. I didn't find any souvenirs that really tickled my fancy, but I eavesdropped on a LOT of conversations, picking up new usages, expressions, some more words in Tupi. Jacob was bored to tears, though.

"Let's split," I told him. "I can listen to people anywhere. Where would you like to go?"

He seemed dumbfounded. "I don't know. I never really thought about it. I mean... I'm more an outdoorsy guy. Maybe a park?"

I laughed at him. "You didn't think about it? You came all the way to Brazil and didn't think about what you'd like to see?"

"I saw what I wanted to see. You, having a great time."

I flushed. "You didn't have to come so far to see that."

"You don't have this good a time at home," he told me. He was right, but I could have this good a time _closer_ to home.

I took his hand and showed him us amongst redwood trees, us at the Grand Canyon, us in Disneyland. "Next time, I won't drag you across continents, deal?"

"Deal," he said and kissed me lightly.

"Let's see if we can find a park then." I pulled him out the door.

Before dawn, bags repacked, we headed west to the cemetery. We arrived before the Amazons and had a few minutes to kill. I pulled out my guide books to make notes on what I'd seen and what I hadn't. Mostly what I had, the other list was just too long. Some notable exceptions: I hadn't seen a black form Jaguar, that would be a nice find. I hadn't seen any saki monkeys, of course that might have been because Alice was scaring them away. I hadn't seen any pit vipers, but that was probably a good thing. I doubted they could hurt me, but I didn't want to find out the hard way.

Senna, Kachiri and Zafrini joined us an hour after sunrise, but it was another hour yet when a group of four came to our gathering. I barely recognized the scents; it had been so long. "Huilan!" I squealed and ran to her for a hug.

"You have grown so much, Ness," she said, patting my hair.

"And you've learned English," I answered. She smiled broadly.

I looked at the three hybrids. Three. If I weren't seeing it with my own eyes, I don't know that I would have believed. Nahuel hadn't changed. I hugged him, too. Then I greeted each of his sisters with kisses on the cheeks.

"Oh, I should do the introductions, I suppose." Nahuel gathered himself. "This is my older sister, Potira, and my younger sister, Edeli." As they stood together I could see a difference in their ages, though very slight. Nahuel appeared to be 20 and Edeli close to the same, but Potira was visibly older, maybe 23?

"I'm going to be rude now," I warned. "Potira, how old are you?"

She smiled. "A little over 300. I don't really keep track anymore." I heard gasps from the vampires behind me.

"You do age then?" I was overjoyed to confirm my theory.

She smiled more broadly. "You are observant. Yes, we continue to age, but very very slowly."

I was fascinated. "Again, I apologize. It is so GOOD to meet you!" I gushed.

The girls laughed with me and hugged me again. "It is like having a new little sister!" Edeli commented.

My parents were making conversation with Huilan, and I pulled Edeli and Potira away from Nahuel a little. "I have another question for you. Did you find adolescence, difficult?"

They laughed. "It has been a _very_ long time, little Nessie!" Potira told me. "But yes, it was not easy."

"Our father was terribly overbearing during that time. I was living with him then," Edeli shared.

"I have no idea what that would be like," I said with undisguised sarcasm.

My curiosity somewhat sated, I stepped back a bit to admire my new 'sisters'. Potira was taller than Mama, probably 5'8" and thin. She wore her hair long and curled tightly around her face. She had flowers tied into it. They matched her brilliantly colored dress. Edeli was rounder. She was the same height as Mama with full breasts and hips. Her straight hair was cut short. Both had the same coffee colored skin, deep black eyes and shimmering hair. And like me, they both reflected the sun twice. It was so delightful to meet people like me, to know I wasn't the only one of my kind in the world. I thought my heart would burst.

My father finally pressed in to introduce himself and Mama. I felt a fool. "And this is my Jacob," I added as he finished. "Jacob, this is Potira and Edeli."

"Your Jacob?" Edeli asked, not missing the possessive.

"Yes. He is the one who pulls me." I took her hand and showed her the first time I met Jacob's eyes.

She screamed and pulled from my grip to cover her eyes.

"I'm sorry!" I cried. "I thought Nahuel would have told you." I tried not to let her reaction hurt my feelings. I needed to calm her somehow. "I didn't hurt you. It was just an image." I didn't step closer to her, but looked pleadingly at Potira, who put an around Edeli's shoulders.

Edeli gasped a few more times and then looked at me wide-eyed. "How did you... _do_ that?"

I shrugged, "I've always been able to do that. I take it you can't."

She shook her head vigorously. Potira looked annoyed. I turned to her now. "I have a gift," I explained before demonstrating. "I can show people what I'm thinking, in pictures. They aren't opaque, you can see what's going on around you, but it can be disturbing." I flinched and shot Edeli an apologetic expression. "If you aren't prepared. Especially if it is a powerful image. Would you like to see?" I offered my hand.

She took a breath and wrapped her long fingers around my own. I showed her my first glimpse of Nahuel, on the snow, standing against the Volturi.

"What is all that white?" she asked, not letting go of my hand immediately.

"Snow!" I said with excitement. I sent her more images, snowmen, snowball fights, snow angels, the feel of it melting under my bare toes.

She took her hand from mine now. "I think I'll stick to the tropics, all the same," she said with a smile.

Potira and Edeli were lovely companions for the day. We chatted about all sorts of things - their diet, where and how they lived. Potira was a weaver, as it turned out, so I made sure to get her number for Alice. Edeli was a reporter for a paper in Rio de Janero. She had taken the week off when she heard of my coming visit. "I couldn't turn down the chance to meet another hybrid, and one with a different father!"

They were as enchanted by Mama as Nahuel had been, but even more so by my father. Especially Edeli. She was baffled by the obvious love shared between my parents. "And they've always been like that?" she whispered to me.

"Oh yes. Well, after that first day."

"First day?"

"Mama was... especially tasty to Edward. It took a lot for him to resist drinking her. But he didn't want to risk exposing his family, and he didn't want to betray his own morals, so he left instead. When he came back, he discovered that he was in love with her. She loved him from the first, I'm sure. Though I've been told that she was very upset with him those first weeks."

Edeli continued to shake her head. I took her hand. "May I?" I warned her this time.

She nodded and I showed her all the small affections my parents showed each other. My father approached. "I wasn't going to show her that," I told him flatly. I had learned my lesson on that one.

"Why are you showing her that at all?"

"She wants to understand love. You are the perfect example. But not the only one." Now I showed her my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, Charlie and Sue.

She pulled her hand from mine and put it to her head. "This, this isn't rare?"

I looked to Edward, how could we explain? "It is. I waited almost a century to find Bella. No woman before her meant to me what she did. Some are just luckier than others. Some humans go their lives without finding it. We are fortunate enough to have more time to look," he said with a smile to my mother. "And even more to enjoy it." His voice was husky now.

This was what I understood - love, affection. It had taken coming here to learn about sex, but I had known love from before my birth. I took her hand once more and showed her Jacob again.

"So soon?" she asked. "How could you know?"

"I did. You willm too. And you will find him, or he will find you." I lifted her back to her feet.

As the afternoon moved to twilight we returned to our canoes. I squeezed in with Mama and Edward so that our new friends could share our canoes. The moon reflected off the water. I spotted a pair of Caiman eyes in the water and pointed them out for Mama. The giant Victoria water lilies bloom gleamed in the light, open and fragrant. It was a very romantic spot. I almost laughed at Senna and Jacob sharing a canoe.

On the East side of Manaus the girls left us. Nahuel and Huilan chose to travel with us to Santarem. We set camp a few miles from the city. Nahuel had strung a hammock and claimed that this would suffice.

"I'd offer a spot in our tent, but with Jacob and me in there, it's pretty crowded."

"I'll be fine. If the rain gets to bad, I'll knock." We laughed.

"Well, at least give us your pack; we can keep your things mostly dry."

"I'd appreciate that. Are you in such a hurry to sleep?"

I thought about that. "No, not really. Why?"

"I remember your compositions and wondered if you had any new ones you could favor me with."

I smiled broadly, "I do!" I grabbed my flute from my bag and played my newest piece. I added a new section now, honoring my 'sisters'. I used trills to try to convey the feeling of being entwined, of belonging to something. I stopped abruptly.

"Why did you stop? That was beautiful."

"It's not right. It needs to be a chord, not a trill," I complained.

"Play it again," he urged.

I obliged. When I reached the same section he whistled the counter note forming an incomplete chord. I smiled around the mouthpiece and continued playing, he couldn't follow me any longer, but I didn't need it now. I returned to the prior theme and closed the movement. "Thank you," I murmured with affection, hugging him again.

He breathed deeply. "Anytime."


	6. Chapter 6

We rowed another day. I rode with Jacob now that there was room again. I noticed Nahuel looking at me often, and for some reason, his gaze often brought a blush to my face. When I looked back, he would be in conversation with Huilan or one of the Amazons. I looked to Jacob who only smiled dearly at me. I reached back to him often, taking his strength and showing him my appreciation. Since Manaus, I'd realized just how much he was here for me and not himself.

We went ashore again; my parents were eager to hunt. The Amazons, as I'd expected, had fed in Manaus. Jacob and I found a larger flock of Hoatzin that barely stirred as we attacked. Nahuel joined us, though he only took one while we had four each. I was really enjoying the fowl. Mama decided to take Alice's advice, but like me, she found monkey a bit too close to human and decided not to repeat the experience. Edward found a gigantic Anaconda. Zafrina was happy to take the skin.

I climbed to the canopy once more, this time with Jacob and Nahuel on either side. It was even better with them there to share it. Nahuel wasn't a nature buff so I identified most of the birds we spotted. They each held one of my hands and I sent them both images of my content.

Surrounded by happier attitudes, I took a chance and sent Edward my thoughts for when we returned home. Images of me surrounded by schoolchildren, swinging in a playground, reading in a library. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. He whispered something to Mama and she nodded.

He approached me. "Renesmee? You have something you want to ask?"

"I thought I already had," I complained.

"You have a beautiful voice," he teased, "use it." The last was almost menacing.

I laughed regardless, knowing he was teasing me. "Well. I really liked playing with the children in Tefe. And none of them seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary about me." He started to object. "Let me finish," I pleaded. "Now that my growth has slowed, I don't change more in a year than any other teenager. Especially if I ace my classes and skip a grade. I'll blend right in. And let's face it, I'm going to ace my classes. But what I can learn from other people? I never dreamed! I've been happy with books because I have had so many books to read. But people! It's like the difference between words and pictures."

His eyes narrowed. "They did notice you. I could hear those boys' thoughts, and many of their mothers."

I thought I knew where this was going. "But they didn't find me _odd_, did they?"

"Not odd, no."

"Special?" I suggested.

He nodded reluctantly.

"Well, Daddy, I'm afraid I'll never be anything if not that. Please? I won't beg, I promise, just please consider it. Talk it over with Mama, and maybe grandfather. I'm sure it would be safe, no risk of exposure. It's just... I simply can't let an opportunity to learn so much go." There was definitely longing in my tone.

"I know you can't." He kissed my forehead. "So I'll think about it."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I enthused, kissing him. He laughed at me and ruffled my hair.

The sun was hot in the afternoon. The heat hadn't really bothered me at all on this trip. I owed that to my hybrid temperature, I was sure. Yet today, I felt the desire for a siesta. Mama and Edward were hand in hand when we passed an ideal clearing.

"You two could use some more 'alone time', I'm sure," I said slyly.

"Perhaps," Edward replied, "but we do have company."

"Right," I said, slightly abashed. "What I was really getting at was... I thought I'd like to take a break. I know I've had two populated areas to detox, but I think I need a little quiet to get my head straight. Out of the canopy and back on the ground."

My father smiled at my terminology. "You seemed pretty happy in the canopy."

"I thought you couldn't hear me up there," I complained, blushing slightly.

"Not well, no." He kissed my cheek. "You're missing home?"

I had only half-realized myself when he put my thought to words. "Yes." I sent him images of my aunts and uncles, Grandpa and Sue, Grandmother and Grandfather, Quil and Claire. I missed them all.

I walked with my head tilted back through the opening in the trees. I dropped my backpack lazily beside a low flat rock and sat with a sigh. I put my hand down and let a spider crawl over my fingers. I lifted my hand to a nearby shrub, letting him pass. A slight breeze stirred the curls that I had intentionally left out of my braid. I liked to be able to hide my face a little. Another backpack flew through the air to land at my feet. Jacob's pants were wedged in the top of it. I laughed and scooped it up to put it beside mine. Then I turned to watch my dearest friend pad through the trees to me. He towered over me in wolf form, sitting I could almost see right between his legs.

I'd claimed I needed a nap. It was ridiculous, I haven't napped since I was two, but Jacob had yawned for my parents' benefit and followed me into the trees. I didn't know why he'd phased. Maybe because we'd spent so much time together as humans these past days that he was missing this now. I knew I was. I sat on the low rock and waited for him. He padded over to me, his russet fur lighting in bands where the light filtered down through the canopy. He lay perpendicular to me, putting his large head in my lap. And, as I had so many times before, I wrapped myself around it. My head lay at the base of his neck and his chin stuck over the edge of my thigh. I curled up in the small space with my Jacob. The space wasn't actually small, but he was such a huge wolf and any gap in the trees was quickly filled with him.

I sighed and began stroking his ears. How could I miss Jacob? He'd been here the whole time, but somehow, I had. And equally inexplicably, he had known. I stroked his ears, not sleeping but listening for the familiar sound. I didn't wait long. Jacob began a growl-purr that made my stomach settle. It was like bringing home with me. I nuzzled the back of his head a little more. "I love you, my Jacob." I whispered into his hair. I heard him sigh and knew he wasn't asleep either, just completely relaxed, like I was. I closed my eyes, enjoying his heartbeat, his deep breaths, the feel of his heat next to mine. When you're surrounded by ice cold vampires, the only really warm creature around can be very comforting, like a blanket to wrap yourself up in.

I heard footsteps. Were my parents trying to be polite? I chose not to be and kept my eyes closed. Jacob didn't move either, though he would have recognized the scent before it found me.

Nahuel sat beside me and stroked my hair away from my face. My eyes flew open, and Jacob looked up at him too, warily.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Nahuel told me. "I just couldn't pass up an opportunity to see you without your family gathered around."

I smiled and closed my eyes. "They love me very much. It can be hard to get time alone," I admitted. Nahuel's presence hadn't broken my mock-nap, though. When he put his hand to my cheek again, I was reminded what had. My hand left Jacob's fur to snatch his hand, holding it to my cheek. I rose my head slowly. "You are so warm," I told him honestly. Through his hand, I sent the cold touch of all my relatives and the near match of Jacob, but Nahuel's temperature was a perfect match.

He smiled at me then. Why hadn't I noticed how beautiful his smile was before? Had he guarded it somehow?

"Yes. Growing up with Huilen I always wondered what it would be like to find someone warm. It is very nice to hug my sisters and not get goosebumps."

I chuckled with him. Jacob's eyes never left us. His head stayed in my lap though his weight had shifted, he was looking up at us now. Trying not ignore him, I put my hand to his muzzle and stroked lightly with the back of it.

"I was hoping to talk with you alone, but you seem to never be without your companion here." He nodded to Jacob who curled back his lip a little. I sent Jacob an image I hoped he understood, _keep calm._

"Really?" I asked. "Why was that?" His fingers stroked my cheek again, and I couldn't help but gasp and put my hand to the trail it had left. It felt like fire.

"Because, Renesmee, although your father knows I think you're beautiful, I didn't want to share my feelings with everyone." His eyes were so intent on mine.

"Oh." I mumbled, totally confused. He didn't say it like my family did. They told me I was beautiful all the time, and I knew they were right, but the way he said it... My stomach flipped once.

He stroked my cheek again, and I closed my eyes this time, inhaling slightly. The touch was so perfect, so warm, so gentle that I couldn't ask for more, although part of me wanted to.

Before my eyes opened, his lips met mine. I'd been kissed by family, too, but not like this. My eyes flew open and I felt Jacob's head leave my lap. Even as it did Nahuel's hands went to my ribs, and I could feel the warmth of his fingers through my shirt. I shuddered a little and I felt him smile on my lips. He leaned forward further touching his forehead to my own.

I blinked and breathed. What was going on? What had just happened to me? Why was I behaving this way? Was it my hormones? Did Nahuel have some ability like Jasper to order them as he desired? I backed away a little but his hands stayed on my ribs. I blinked several more times trying desperately to find logic again. How long had it been? Seconds, certainly no more.

"Okay, Nahuel, you can back off now." Jacob's voice was hard and his naked form towered over us. I looked up to him with gratitude. I needed time to think about this before Nahuel could kiss me and scramble me again.

"I thought she already had a father," Nahuel's words held a merriment and he brushed my ear with his fingers. I felt my blush, heard it rush in my ear. I pressed my lips together, trying to keep my focus.

"Yes, she does. And I notice you waited until he was a few miles away before trying this. You think I won't tear you apart and let Edward thank me later?"

Nahuel laughed still not breaking eye contact with me. Was that the problem? Did I need to look away again? I tried but only managed to close my eyes, I felt his hand trace my collarbone now and my head tipped reflexively.

"Seriously, get your hands off her." I felt Jacob's very slightly cooler grasp on my shoulders and sent him an image of thanks.

"Come now, I have done nothing more than a few innocent touches." He brushed his fingers over my lips now and they pursed involuntarily. "One kiss. I just wanted Renesmee to know my feelings for her." He took my hand in his and put his lips to the back. "I only wanted her to know my... interest. Let her know I would be here when she's older." His hand drifted along my arm to my shoulder, sweeping my braid back. "I don't get to run naked with her." He shot Jacob a look of murder.

Jacob snarled and lunged over me, half-pushing me out of the way. "Jacob! Nahuel! Don't!" I put my hand on both their chests and sent a message, _No fighting_.

"No promises," Jacob growled.

"Whatever you wish, Renesmee." Nahuel's voice was honey and his eyes were smoldering. I had that inability to look away again. He leaned toward me, to kiss me again I was sure.

Jacob punched him then. I blinked and sat on my ankles as Nahuel returned Jacob's fist with a kick. It was impressive, sitting as he was, that he got enough leverage to make Jacob's head snap to one side.

I put my hands to my hair, "No," I muttered.

Nahuel kicked into Jacob's abs and he crashed into a tree on the opposite side of the clearing.

"No!" I yelled and jumped up. Jacob rushed Nahuel shoving him against a tree and butting his head to Nahuel's. I could smell blood in the air.

"Stop it!" They continued to ignore me, now rolling through the leaves hands on each others throat.

I felt angry tears in my eyes. "Don't do this!" But they weren't being diverted. I had to get out of here, I couldn't watch this. Snatching my bag, I ran deeper into the forest, the sounds of their tussle quickly fading. As I ran, my head cleared a little. What had Nahuel done to me? Innocent touches but the way my body responded was not innocent. He had created feelings in me I didn't know I could have yet. I remembered the circle's dim memories. Zafrina and Kachiri had felt that way about the men they chose. Did I feel that way about Nahuel? I didn't think so. So how had he made me feel those things?

I ran while I thought, never circling. Could I be physically attracted to someone I didn't truly love? Was that a possibility? Or was I in love with Nahuel and didn't know it? Did my emotional state leave me receptive to these feeling from _anyone_ who touched me? Why? Why couldn't I understand?

My vision blurred with tears, and I tripped on a root, sprawling.


	7. Chapter 7

I stared into the soft carpet of the forest floor. I wasn't sure how far I'd run, but I couldn't hear either Jacob or Nahuel any longer. I cried into my hands. Why were they doing this?

"So, you must be Renesmee."

My head whipped up at the melodic voice. That could only be a vampire, and one I didn't know. I looked up at him. He was definitely a vampire and of European origin. His dark brown hair was brushed back from his face, and his blood red eyes evaluated me.

I had seen the look that was in his eyes before. I had seen it in Aro's eyes. This man did not want to know me; he wanted to possess me. I sprang and ran. I didn't even consciously choose my direction; I simply bolted. I hadn't gotten far when cold fingers caught my upper arm and I felt it pull from the socket. I screamed at the pain, so rare for me.

A second arm wrapped around my chest and covered my mouth.

"I'm not going to hurt you, little one." He shoved my arm roughly back in place and I winced. "Not if you don't make me." I had never felt fear like this before. I was helpless. I could not fight against a vampire. I was stronger and faster than humans, but he was several times stronger and faster than me. I had to trust in my family to find me. They would. They would never stop searching for me. So I didn't struggle. I hoped he was true to his word. Pain was new to me, and I didn't want to experience more.

"That's a good girl." He was running with me now. His hand was no longer on my mouth. Both were around my arms and chest, preventing me from struggling.

I was as silent as he was, and his steps never slowed. It had been mid-afternoon when I ran from Jacob and Nahuel, but now the sun was setting. We were approaching a village on the shores of the Amazon.

The vampire ran straight for a pair of men disembarking from their small boat. He let one arm release me so he could grab the first man, snapping his neck. Then he pulled the second close to me and ravaged his neck. I felt the corpse cool. I sobbed a little in my fear.

"Hungry, little one? I left some for you."

He wanted me to drink from a living human? "No, thank you," I spat in disgust.

I felt his shrug, and he dropped the corpse into the river, kicking the second after the first. I watched the piranha circle the bodies, then turned my head away. The vampire had me in the boat then, dumping me on my bottom. He wrapped my long ponytail once around his wrist and held the length in his hand. Then he ripped the outboard motor to life and started us moving downriver. I could sit a small distance from him now. I looked hatred into his eyes and remained silent. He would pay for every hurt he gave me. My family would avenge me; I had no doubts. How long though? Now that we were on the water, they'd have no scent to follow. My eyes must have shown my realization and fear.

"No one is going to find you, little wife. You will be mine forever."

I shivered. This was it. This was what Alice couldn't see. She wasn't looking for this vampire. He was never near my parents, and she wouldn't have seen Jacob, Nahuel and me either. I remembered Senna's human memory. He was going to rape me. I was more afraid than ever. This man might take, but I would never give. I pulled for Jacob with every fiber of my being. If anyone could find me without a trail, it was Jacob. Jacob, Jacob.

"You scowl so prettily." He ran an icy finder down my cheek and I turned my head away feeling my hair pull. "And you smell every bit as luscious as my daughters. I wouldn't corrupt the genetics with one of them. How happy I was when Edeli told me of you."

This was Joham! Nahuel's father. He intended to continue his experiment... with me. I thought I would vomit.

"How old are you, little wife? Four? Not five yet, I think. I only saw Edeli grow from birth. The others were kept from me by their mothers' families until I came for them, so I cant be sure. More than three I think... Would you be so kind as to answer me?"

I met his gaze with fire in my own.

"No. Well, we'll have lots of time to get to know each other, fair Renesmee." He ran that finger around my neck now and caught the chain of my locket. I was afraid he would tear it from me. Instead he just opened it. "You look like your father. I must say, I do like his taste. Your mother is delectable."

I felt angry tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Are you afraid, little wife? I have told you I don't intend to hurt you."

My expression didn't change. I hoped he understood my fury was not fear, though I couldn't be sure despair didn't lie among my feelings as well.

Exhaustion was getting the better of me as we drifted silently and swiftly down the river. The sun was beginning to rise. I noticed my vision blur. When he pulled us to shore, he lifted me in his arms, and I didn't struggle as I wanted to. Instead I let my head loll into his upper arm, sleeping as he ran.

When I woke, we were in some sort of cave. I cursed myself aloud. How was I to know where we were if I slept while we moved? I rose to stand and heard a jangle of metal. I looked at my waist and saw a wrap of thick links. I also noticed that the weight had been removed from my back. Where was my pack?

"Ah, you're awake. Good," he jangled as he walked to me, my pack in his hand. "We need to walk now. I wouldn't want you to go soft on me; you'll walk on your own today. Tree-huggers have their uses," he said ominously with the end of my leash in his hand.

I reached for my pack, and he gave it to me. I slung it on my shoulders and walked out of the cave.

"Ah, obedient, I like that."

I growled at him impotently and continued my sedate pace, waiting for him to take the lead.

He led me south, picking up the pace slightly. I kept silent and he didn't talk except when we stopped for the night. That first day of walking was the longest. I slept as soon as he let me stop that night, using my pack for a pillow. Few hours later, he woke me with a jerk on my chain and we walked until sunset.

I hoped that a week of walking only gave my family more time to catch up. After all, I was slowing Joham down. He spoke in the evenings before I slept, asking me questions I refused to answer. Occasionally he convinced me silence was not an option. The first was our second night of traveling. He demanded to know if I were 'fertile.'

"Come now, little wife. If you do not answer me, I shall simply assume you are and begin now. I would regret any pain it caused you, but I doubt you could resist fighting me should it come to that."

"No," I answered coldly. "I have not experienced estrus yet."

"It won't be long, I'm sure. I'm glad I have had the opportunity to find you so young. Your cycles become irregular as you age. They nearly match human monthlies in the beginning."

Although the conversation disgusted me, I was glad for any information I could learn about myself. I had planned to ask Nahuel's sisters one day, but wanted to give them time to get to know me first. It seemed all aspects of our biology were logarithmic. Steep at first, steady, then slow. I listened, trying not to show the interest I had as he rambled about his experiment, his successes, his failures. I hated listening to those parts. The poor women.

The second time was when he asked what was in my pack. I was feeling protective of my belongings. I held it to me. He lifted me with it and threw me into a tree.

"I prefer you obedient," he told me as the tree swayed to find upright again. He grabbed my hair and slammed my face into his knee. I felt my nose break and blood trickle down my mouth. My cheekbone was badly bruised, and I wasn't sure he hadn't blackened my eye. "Now, I ask again, may I see what you have in your pack, little wife?"

I threw it at him and wiped the tears and blood from my face. My hand shook. He dumped out the contents and rifled through them quickly. Mostly just my clothes, a couple of guide books to flora and fauna, my music player. He snatched that up. I hated to see it in his hand. It was a gift from my father, for my first Christmas. He put the bud to his ear and played through a few tracks while I stuffed my clothes back in the bag. I spied my box of waterproof matches and shoved them quickly to the bottom. Either he hadn't noticed them or hadn't cared. I put the multi-knife in my pocket when my hand reached it. It wouldn't hurt him at all, but might prove useful to me in escaping this infernal chain.

He looked at me when the first track finished. "Your mother plays the piano, little wife?"

"My father," I spat.

"Ah, he is quite talented. This piece is exquisite. A lullaby?" I wondered if it was Mama's or mine. I refused to answer.

"Oh come, little wife. Surely parting with such a small detail is no hindrance."

"Yes."

"For you?"

"I don't know. There are two on there. One for me, one for my mother."

"Ah, when she still slept, of course, of course." He listened for a few moments longer, musing about my parents. "He was very careful with her. I never courted any one."

He looked to me again when the next piece started. "Ah, but this lullaby is not entirely your father's creation,"

I looked down, continuing to stuff my pack while shaking out each piece to rid as much of the smut as I could.

He grabbed my chin and tipped it to look at him. "Yours?"

"Yes." My voice was clipped. I hated speaking to this monster.

He smiled. "Perhaps our children will be so talented."

"I will never bear your child," I swore.

"Ah, but you will. You, like all those others, will love the child too much to bear hurting it."

"No. You will leave me sometime, to hunt most likely, and I will cut the monster from myself. If I am lucky I will die in the process." Then I thanked Uncle Emmett and spat in his face. The force of it sent spittle back in mine, but that just made me smile back at him.

"Hmmm. Strong. That will breed well." My smile faded into a scowl. "And look what I've done to you. I've gone and broken that beautiful nose." His cold fingers grabbed the cartilage and twisted slightly. It didn't hurt nearly as much as the original break. Then he let my chin go.

"Well, talented, strong Renesmee, sleep well. We have another long day ahead."

My hand curled on the final object from my bag, one that was easily lost in the detritus on the forest floor. Jacob's wooden flute. I slid it safely among my clothing while his back was turned. He'd want me to play it if he saw.

We walked from dusk till dawn for a whole week. I finally spied a saki monkey. It didn't seem as disturbed by my captor as I was. Of course, he wasn't the type of primate Joham hunted. I also found new ferns and orchids. I had little time to look, though; Joham never slowed the pace. So, at the end of a week we arrived at a small mud hut, roofed in palm fronds. It looked relatively newly built. He pulled me through the doorway and pointed to an oil drum in one corner. "I'm sure you'd like to wash up."

He afforded me no privacy, of course, but unlike most people I had no shame. I only regretted losing even the flimsy barrier my clothing afforded against his molestation. I pulled my shirt off quickly with my back to him and stuck it in the water. Using the shirt I sponged myself down. I felt his eyes on me the whole time. My father's words came back to haunt me. I would never be so cavalier about my nakedness again.

"You are quite lovely, Renesmee." I ignored him, snapping my shirt open and holding it to my chest as I pulled a dry one and pair of shorts from my bag. I spread the wet shirt over the opening of the bag to dry. Then I pulled my jeans off. I squatted as I did so, hoping to give him the least provocative view possible. I pulled my shorts on immediately and then lifted one leg to the drum to rinse the dust and dirt from it.

I knew I wouldn't get through this unscathed. He came to my side and held my foot in his hand, tracing a line from my ankle to thigh. I showed a feat of balance my mother would have envied when human and kicked him in the head, spinning to bring my foot to the ground. _And thank you Uncle Jasper,_ I thought. The kick hadn't hurt of course, and thankfully I didn't generate enough force to hurt myself either, but it got his hand off me. I simply trailed the water down my right leg, not risking a repeat. Instead I felt his hand on my buttock as I bent. Again I proved my agility and kicked my leg up, but this time he caught it and pulled me up by the ankle.

"Now, now. Fool me once, shame on you..."

He slapped my bottom.

"Fool me twice, shame on me."

He slapped me again. It hurt, but I refused to so much as squeak. He dropped me unceremoniously in a pile. "I'm glad to see you are still fighting though. And your skills..." He was eying me as a breeder again.

I rose slowly to my feet, not sure what I was supposed to do next.

"Let me give you the tour. You've found the washroom already. This is our bed." I cringed at the way he said it. I knew if I ever lay on that mat, he would be on me immediately. "This is my study." It was just another corner with a pile of books and a large rock for a table. "And this will be your space."

_Wow! A corner all my own? You shouldn't have!_ I quickly picked up my bag and moved it the few meters to my corner. I sat cross legged leaning into it and glared at him.

"Excellent. Fell free to sleep on the mat; I'm sure you're tired."

I was actually more hungry than tired, but I would be thrice damned before I told him that. Instead, I curled into my pack and turned on my player. I cried silently as I listened to my lullaby. I wanted my father. I wanted Mama. I wanted Jacob. I knew they were trying; I knew they were searching. I knew I shouldn't blame them for not finding me by now, but I did. I cried myself to sleep hoping the demon wasn't watching me. And knowing that he was.


	8. Chapter 8

I woke alone, confused. I rose quickly and walked to the door of the hut. The chain pulled taut. I turned to see that he had nailed it to the center of the floor. I sighed but thought to make the best of the situation. Pulling a clean pair of panties from my pack I cleaned myself thoroughly and dressed in the same clothes I had slept in. Then I washed my tear-streaked face and pulled my hair from its bindings. I washed it in the drum as well and used my wet shirt to dab away the excess water. Then I turned to examine Joham's 'library.'

He had two dozen or so books in the pile. All seemed to be medical texts of one sort or another. One was a notebook. I opened this and flipped through a few pages when I heard rustling outside. I put the book back and stood in the center of the room.

When he entered, I understood why he had made so much noise. He was dragging a barely conscious girl behind him. "I brought you dinner, little wife. Never say I don't look after you." He threw the girl at me, and I fell cradling her weight. She was only a little older than I looked, and she whimpered at me. Her face and breasts were painted. She wore nothing but a rope of beads.

"What is this?" I demanded.

"Come now, you drink blood, like my children. You must be thirsty; it's been a whole week."

I was glad we were speaking English. The poor girl was terrified enough without hearing this conversation. Joham had handled her very roughly. Now she panted in Portuguese, "_Please, no more."_

"_I will not hurt you." _I answered her. I gave her a quick triage. My medical training was not complete by any stretch, but I was able to give first aid. She had many broken ribs and several internal injuries. Even if I sent her away, I was sure she wouldn't survive the night. I closed my eyes, dreading what I was about to do. My grandfather's face came to my mind. I was easing her pain. She was dead anyway. I tried to convince myself, but it was hard. "_I can make the pain stop,"_ I told her.

"_Obrigada_," she whispered to me.

I had tears in my eyes as I moved her hair aside. I bit her jugular and sucked as deeply as I could. She was unconscious the same second and dead the next. I cried over her corpse for a few moments, hoping Joham thought I was still feeding. Then I dried my eyes in her hair and carried her corpse to the door. As I lay her down, I saw the sting of beads around her neck again. They were distinctive. I removed the beads and placed them around my own neck. If I could, I would deliver them to her family one day.

Then, just when I thought this day could not get worse, it did. "And now that we have the place to ourselves again, there is something I must check." I wondered if he was referring to his belongings. He seized both my wrists in one hand and unbuttoned my shorts in the other. My eyes bulged; my mind whirled. I began to kick him. He lifted my hands so my feet dangled a foot off the ground. I panicked more.

"Relax, little wife, this is just an examination. I need to see if you have ripened in the past week." Angry tears sprang from my eyes and I continued to flail, but he pulled my shorts and panties down my hips. I refused to beg anything of this man, but I wanted to ask him to stop. Somehow I knew doing so would only give him what he wanted. I would avoid that if I was able, so I let my tears flow silently instead. He didn't remove my shorts, but his finger was in me, probing. I had been examined once by grandfather, but this was nothing like that. His finger probed painfully deep. I screamed and stopped kicking to prevent it going deeper. He pulled his hand free and dropped me. I sniffled and pulled my shorts back up.

He smelled his fingers. "Not yet, it seems. Perhaps next week."

I crawled to my pack, still whimpering. and tried not to think of the implication. This would not be the last time, it was only the first. It would get worse. I hugged my belongings and wept. _Jacob_, I called and pulled. _Please find me, Jacob._

* * *

Joham's captivity was far from captivating. My mind wandered constantly. I pulled my guide books from my bag and read them again. I ticked off every animal I had seen, every plant, and then read, building my list of what I hoped to find. When I'd finished them for the fourth time, I looked up to Joham, writing or sketching in his notebook. I stood and walked to his 'library.' I pointed. "May I?" It was more polite than he deserved.

"You would like to read these?" he asked, genuinely surprised. They certainly weren't picture books. They weren't nature books, either. Anyone without a medical interest wouldn't have looked at them twice.

"I'd like to read something new, yes." Anything was better than nothing, and, as it turned out, I had a medical interest.

"Help yourself, sweet Renesmee." His smile curdled my stomach. He was contemplating me again, as a breeder. I broke eye contact quickly.

I squatted to examine the pile. I chose the least advanced of the texts and pulled it loose. It was an anatomy textbook. I flipped a few pages and nodded before returning to my seat. Joham's eyes never left me.

By the time the light was failing I'd read the entire book twice. I was going to go out of my mind in this place. I snapped the book shut and returned it to the pile. Then I took a deep breath and walked to the mat. I would test his word tonight. Thus far he hadn't lied to me that I had seen, which just made everything that much more dire and frightening.

I woke to a cold hand on my cheek. I sighed at first thinking it was one of my parents. Then I opened my eyes and bolted back.

"You are most beautiful when you sleep. I think I might understand how your father could write that lullaby." My chest was heaving in fright, but I managed to gather my saliva. I spat at him. The spittle dripped from his left cheek.

"Only slightly less so when you are angry," he said coolly, wiping his face. Then he spat venom at me. I felt it burn my lips slightly.

I rolled to the foot of the mat and went to wash my face in the oil drum. He didn't try to stop me.

That day he walked me. He claimed I needed the exercise to stay strong, so he pulled the stake from the center of the room and held my leash. "Any direction you like, as long as you walk most of the day."

The shame was terrible. I walked to the end of my tether, hoping to put enough distance between us that I might see some wildlife. Before long a small bird flitted just in front of me. It was green like the trees. Its beak was russet red like Jacob's skin. The crest was bronze like my hair and belly gold like my parents eyes. I reached a hand to it and it jumped a little ways away. I didn't really want to touch it; it made the pain too real.

"Find Jacob," I begged it very quietly. "Help him find me." The bird took off to the north. I watched enviously as it flew. My tears fell again. I wanted to be free like that bird. I wanted to run north, straight to Jacob. I could feel him out there. I pulled again. Then _I_ was pulled, but physically. I fell on my rump again.

"Do not ignore me, little wife."

Had he spoken? I truly hadn't heard. Instead I stood, not bothering to brush myself off, and faced him. I kept my eyes downcast, but I knew I pouted slightly. I didn't try to stop myself.

"Who or what is Jacob?" he demanded, his tone irate.

I didn't answer, and now I pulled my lip in, setting the pair in a tight line. I would not give this monster what he wanted. He would never know my Jacob.

He was even angrier now. I could see it in his red eyes. He lifted me by one of my ankles and let me dangle; my hair brushed the forest floor. "I'll ask again, who is Jacob."

My shirt fell in my face. I ignored it. I made no effort to cover myself, escape his grasp or answer his question.

He threw me into a large, thick palm. The chain snapped at my waist cutting into my skin, the tree broke on impact sending shards of wood into my side. My skin was broken and bleeding. Again I stood, but this time I did brush myself off, holding my shirt to my side.

He smelled the blood, of course. "Look what you've made me do," he growled, grabbing me by the waist. His cold hand eased the pain some though I continued to bleed. He carried me back to the hut and tended my wound. His first aid kit was very old, but the tape still held the bandage in place. The wound healed by the end of the day; at least it had distracted him from the question.

The next morning, he unveiled a surprise for me. "I do not know if you play, little wife, but I can teach you if not." He had laid a grid of knotted vines on the floor and dropped 32 rocks covered in paper. Half bore white paper, half brown. Eight pieces of each color bore markings for rook, knight, bishop, King and Queen. A crude, but obvious chess set.

An interesting conundrum: claim ignorance and then let him win, claim knowledge and still let him win, or play to win. What would give him the least satisfaction? I thought teaching me anything would satisfy him, and showing my intelligence had already proven to whet his appetite for me. I went with the second. "My father taught me to play, but I haven't played very much at all. You might have to remind me some of the moves."

He smiled and I felt sick again. I would only ask one piece... the knight, it was certainly the easiest for a beginning player to confuse. The white pieces were to my side and I moved my king's pawn in a standard opening.

I should have known he would catch me up this way. Several times during the game I had to remind myself to not take the offensive move and to open up my ranks. I would reach for the best piece and hesitate swapping to a lesser, but not entirely idiotic, move. I had the feeling he would know if I simply threw the game entirely. Each time I changed my move to the lesser, he seemed to frown and stare at me, as though seeing that I had just downgraded my action and wondering why, or if I even knew.

I reached quickly for my Rook at one point, seeing mate in six. I had fully lifted the piece and put it back down with a frown. Was there anywhere else I could put this rook that wouldn't look stupid of me. No. I let it go and moved my bishop instead. He replaced the piece, moved the rook and knocked over his King.

"It has been a long time since I played. I almost didn't see that. Do not try to deceive me, little wife. You will not like what it costs you."

For some reason, I took this as a challenge, and the next games were equally close, but I was able to draw or lose without giving myself away. The longer I played, the more I built alternate strategies into my game. Instead of looking for mates, I looked for draws. Instead of looking ahead in the best line, I followed alternatives much farther. It felt amazing to work my brain again. The medical texts were informative, and I did enjoy adding anything to my knowledge base, but active thinking was so much more rewarding.

Sadly, Joham noticed my enjoyment of the games and insisted on playing every day. I would rather not have to sit so close to him so often, but he made it worth my while. He told me that for every draw he would give me another hour outside. For every win he would find me a book while I slept. He did warn that they would likely be in Portuguese, but I jumped at the chance. I actually jumped before remembering the pleasure this would give him. I sat down again and agreed to his terms. I still didn't want to win, but even one new book...

Joham walked me every other day. They became longer as I drew out more games. I saw more and more wildlife as I chose a new direction each time. I spied the black Jaguar, a new parrot, capybara and coatl, plentiful and multihued birds. But I never saw the little bird from my first 'walk' again and wondered if he _had_ found Jacob. I longed to be able to climb and see the multitude of creatures in the trees, but contended myself with turning logs and rocks to examine what lie beneath. I even found a pit viper. Joham did know that creature and pulled me back quickly. He didn't know much about the local flora and fauna, but again, he was impressed by both my knowledge and interest. They were the downside to those excursions.

Unfortunately my first reward was met with its own penalty. I woke on my mat and saw him sitting before me, watching me again. I'd taken to sleeping on my hands. I was fairly sure Mama was wrong about being able to project my dreams, but I wasn't taking _any_ chances. A new book rested on his lap. I started to smile. Then I saw his smile form and my brow creased.

"It has been one week, Renesmee. You have filled my days with more to reflect upon than I had hoped." He pressed an arm down on my back holding me flat to the mat. I knew what was coming. One week. He was gentler in removing my shorts this time, but tears still leaked from my eyes. His probe was less painful too, though no less deep. He held his hand to face. "It seems it will be another week before I share that mat, my love." I cringed and looked away. Even in that awful moment, I felt hope. Another week for them to find me and surely they would. They must be on our trail now.


	9. Chapter 9

I appreciated my new book, a local history it turned out, but even this did not satisfy me long.

"Do you have another one of those?" I asked pointing at his notebook. I still hated asking for things.

"No," he said with a quizzical look on his face, "but you can use the back pages of this one."

But this was his notebook. I was sure on these pages were notes about me. Why did he think I wouldn't destroy them the moment he handed them over? I was considering it even as he was rising to bring the book to me. Of course, more likely, I'd just read them in disgusted interest. I still didn't know enough about me. Maybe he knew that. Maybe he simply didn't care; he had a perfect memory after all.

"You are very interesting to me, little wife," he breathed as he bent to give me the book. He pressed the pencil into my hand and traced a line up my arm to my cheek. I swallowed bile. Why did he have to touch me? "You are most intelligent." Now his hand traced my brow and I closed my eyes and wrinkled my nose, resisting the urge to spit at him. "I am very excited to see how gifted our children will be." I was so thankful that none of his children had told him of my most unique gift. I kept that secret closely guarded.

And then, thankfully he was gone. He sat with a grin looking between me and one of the texts I had returned.

I flipped to the back of the notebook and held pencil to paper. I thought I would write a letter to my mother.

_Dear Mama;  
_  
Then I stopped. My father would know everything that happened to me in this awful place, one day. I knew he would see it in my mind at some point, but I wanted to shield my mother as she had so often shielded me. She would know I had been hurt, but I prayed she would never know how badly. I decided to start at the beginning.

_Know that I do not regret my birthday present. I am so glad you and Edward brought me to Quito. I have grown so much since we arrived. Too quickly. When we left I was hurt and confused. I didn't understand what was happening to me. I didn't understand what was happening between you and Edward. I know so much more now. Although I'm sure I will be unbalanced and confused many more times before I'm mature, I believe it will never be as bad again. I am stronger now. My mind has grown as much as my determination and resolve. I can control my emotions instead of letting them control me. I have had a lot of practice with that these past days. This is both good and bad. _

_Good because I feel a new capacity to love. Nahuel didn't intend it, I'm sure, but he awoke in my body feelings I didn't know I could have. Good because I am more sure of myself. I feel stronger in every way. When I take an action now, I am more certain than ever that I will accomplish exactly what I intend. Good because I understand how you and Edward feel for each other. I will of course respect this and give you all the privacy you need, but I also want you to know that your love made me and your love still makes me. It makes me strong. Never feel you have to hide your feelings for him around me. Every kiss, every hug, makes my heart burn for both of you. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed of that love._

_It is bad because  
_  
This was the hard part, what _was_ I going to tell her?

_It is bad because I have been away from you. It is terrible because I can't reach Jacob! The things done to me here, they fray my mind, but being without Jacob is going to snap it. I feel so alone without him. It's like I left my arm on the pillow when I got up in the morning, or put my lung on the refrigerator shelf. Some vital piece of me is missing and I want it back. It's bad because I have learned more of evil. When the Volturi came, I saw Aro, and I knew in an instant that he wanted you, he wanted Edward, and he wanted me. I understood that kind of possession and rightfully hated it. What I didn't understand was this level of possession. Joham doesn't want me for what I can do, he wants me for what I am. He doesn't want to control my actions or thoughts, he wants my body. The difference is subtle and I'm not sure which is worse. Right now, this is. But as I imagine it, it would be so much worse to be controlled by Aro and not even know I was controlled - to be driven to help them and not have a reason to want anything else. At least here, I know that I hate, I know that I fight, even if it does me little to no good. The personal consequences here are much worse  
_  
The paper was torn from my hands. I closed my eyes and set my jaw. I practiced what I had just written, controlling my emotion. He thrived on my reactions, I would give him as few as I was able.

"You write quickly," he muttered scanning the page, "and elegantly. Your voice is so clear in these words." He clenched his jaw. "Jacob again. Will you tell me now who he is?" I didn't respond.

He thought for a moment, no doubt deciding how to punish me. He handed the notebook back to me. "Please, write more. I like hearing your voice."

I picked the pencil back up, but I didn't continue to write. I was practically finished anyway. I flipped to the front instead, expecting the book to be jerked away again. When it wasn't I looked up. He had a smug expression, a crooked smile. It was too much like my father's, I tried not to see it. I put my eyes back to the page and started reading. The book wasn't very old. I had thought perhaps the stories of all his children would be here, but it was just me. The first entries dated to near my first birthday.

_Edeli tells me that I am not the only vampire father in existence any longer. Apparently, in North America, a child like mine has been born, carried by a human who stayed with her lover through pregnancy and birth. More remarkable than this, the mother is now immortal herself! What craze must have __taken over this__ man to not only have care enough to not injure the mother, something I struggle with constantly, but to bring her into immortality with him? I can only think that he did not realize this would be her only child and hoped to father more. He will be disappointed, of course. _

I flipped through, reading more entries. He learned my name a few months later when he tracked down Nahuel. Nahuel also alerted him to the Volturi and that made me wonder. Why hadn't they come here? Wouldn't they want to see the girls if nothing else? Surely their curiosity had to have been peaked like mine. I kept flipping through the short entries hoping to find evidence of some sort of encounter with the black-cloaks, but none appeared and all too soon I arrived at the entries that started a month ago.

_She is coming! Edeli tells me that she, Potira and Nahuel have received word that Renesmee will be touring the Amazon this month. She did not tell me when or where they intend to meet the party, but the child's parents are coming too. I am also interested in her father and now immortal mother. Perhaps seeing one or the other will help me understand his decisions. __The child will be around four now, and just reaching her menstrual onset.__ The timing could not be more perfect. I will follow my children and wait for the chance. Her body will be much better suited to carrying my seed then a full human. I must see this out. I'd hoped my daughters would find immortal men of their own, but they have eyes only for humans, and then mostly for their blood. They are too old anyway, their cycles spread too thin. __To think I could continue the experiment on my own.__ I never dreamed of the opportunity.  
_  
I shuddered.

_I have her. She __is more beautiful than I could have dreamed, so much fairer than my children, and so defiant__! She will be a lively companion I am sure.  
_  
That entry was short but shook me to my core. He liked my defiance. I was glad I had stopped fighting most things. And companion? I felt disgusted at the very idea.

_I have brought her home. She continues to defy me and her anger makes her more attractive. I tended to compliant women in the past and now wonder why that was. The fire of her temper makes me burn.  
_  
I was definitely going to vomit before I finished this.

_But she isn't ripe yet. Her body shows the signs, onset cannot be far off, but her cervix has not yet __formed mucus__. She likes to read and appreciates music. It is much more than I had expected. She seems well-learned, knowing Portuguese fluently. May I have been so lucky as to find not only a mate, but one that can engage me intellectually?  
_  
I dry heaved once and spat on the ground beside myself. The idea of actually being a partner to this vile creature... I curled back my lip and hoped I was more than his match intellectually. My physical attributes could never get me out of here.

The next page was a drawing of me asleep on the mat. I slammed the book shut, closing my eyes and breathing deeply. I knew he watched when I slept but seeing it was so much more offensive.

After a few deep breaths, I tried to open the book again, flipping to find my page. I overshot but kept flipping seeing more and more drawings of me. I shuddered and put my forehead on my knees. I needed to get out of here. I would try more compliance and civility.

I stood carrying his book back to him. "Do you think we might walk? My legs are feeling a little cramped."

His smile was brilliant. He couldn't think my reading had encouraged me to partake in his 'experiment'.

"That would be lovely." He tore the last four pages from the book. The first was the letter to Mama. "Here, you can finish your letter when we return." I took the paper, folded it in half and tucked the pages in the top of my pack while he dislodged the spike. I wondered how many times he could pin me there before the ground loosened enough for me to pull it free. I could only run when he left me. That would be when he hunted for us. Another chance must be coming soon. The ground would not be loose enough then. Would I be able to wait longer? Would I keep my sanity?

I must have spent two weeks in the hut because I woke alone again. I wasted no time. I pulled out my multi-tool and flipped out the file. I couldn't pull up the stake, but I could separate the links. I found two adjacent links in my leash that each had a small gap. I intended to make one of those gaps large enough to allow me to pull them apart.

I wasn't finished, but fairly sure the gap was large enough, when I heard the rustling outside. My time was up. I closed the tool and put it in my pocket, wiping the solitary tear that had escaped. I would not be free today.

He had brought me another human. This girl was not injured as the last had been. She seemed to be suffering from no more than fear and a twisted ankle. She was as naked as the last. Her paintings were different and she had feathers piercing her ears. I was fairly sure she was from a different tribe than the last victim. "Wait." I told him as he continued to drag her. "Leave her at the door. I like the light on her skin." I hoped I was playing my part well enough.

I must have been convincing because he held her there, waiting for me. I made a conscious effort and tried to sway as I walked toward him. It was something I'd seen my aunts do but had no idea if I could do it myself. "She looks lovely, thank you," I said, taking her hair from his grip. I fought bile at thanking this creature for anything, even in jest, but he continued to accept my act and stepped into the hut. I wrapped a hand around the girl's mouth to stop her screams. I licked her neck and she moaned. "Yes, delicious," I said aloud and then whispered to her. "_I'm not going to hurt you,_" in Portuguese. "_When I shove you, __run as fast __and as far as you can._"

I tried to cackle, but I was sure it was wrong, "Look how she shivers." I shoved the girl away from me and wished with all my being that I could run after her. I growled, continuing my act. How could I fake feeding though? That was when I was pulled back by my waist.

"NEVER lie to me, little wife. What will you eat now?" he asked looking down at me; I was huffing in pain on the ground.

"Whatever I can catch next time you walk me," I answered truthfully.

He laughed, "And that will satisfy you?" I looked hatred at him but didn't answer. "Well, as long you as you won't starve."

Then he turned me face down over his knee and tore my shorts off. I screamed and kicked, but he pressed me securely to his lap. His hand came down on my exposed buttocks. I continued to kick and howl in anger, but he laughed. I gritted my teeth and stopped fighting. The barest groan escaped my lips as his hand connected over and over. It burned, it froze, and I couldn't understand the pain. Then he stopped and his fingers were inside me again.

"No!" I did scream and this made him laugh, too. Now instead of simply probing, he thrust in and out. I sobbed my tears of anger and fought back vomit when I felt his erection under me. I heard him sucking his fingers as I sobbed.

"Mmmm… only a few more days, sweet Renesmee." Then he stood dumping me to the ground again. I crawled to my pack for new clothes. My days were running out. If I wasn't found in the next few days, there would be nothing left to save. I knew he wasn't careless. If he raped me, I would be pregnant that day. I would not live with that vile monster's spawn in me. No one would be able to save me then.

"Hurry Jacob," I whispered.


	10. Chapter 10

The probings became daily. They also grew more degrading, more painful.

"I need to prepare you for what is coming," he claimed the next day as he shoved a third finger into me. I struggled to no effect. My angry, shaming tears flowed, and he wiped them with his dirty hand. I gagged as he licked the tears from his fingers. Then he put his tongue to my face. I tried to push away, but he held my head steady. He laughed letting me go and pushing me back on the mat upon which I had just woken.

That afternoon, he knelt beside me while I wrote. This time it was a letter to Grandfather Carlisle, filling him in on all the new information I had learned during my... stay. I tried to keep my tone scientific and never mentioned how I knew I was so close to fertility. If Edward never told him, I wouldn't. He read over my shoulder.

"Your grandfather, he has an interest in Medicine?" I nodded rather than answer aloud.

"Then he might be interested to know that your cycles become logarithmically longer as well. You will have fewer, infrequent chances to reproduce as time passes. The next five years are the best. Edeli never tried and Potira was too old already when I found her." He sounded regretful. Did he actually wish this experiment had already been completed?

"If they never bore children then why do you think they can at all?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Because they still menstruate which means they still ovulate. They have every biological requirement for procreation, so I expect they are. Of course, it is possible that one or both of them simply is unable for some other reason, but scientifically, I must believe that the possibility exists."

I nodded following his logic. "But is it not also possible that estrus is just some ruderal vestige of our humanity? An impotent remnant?" I pondered. I almost hoped I wasn't right. It would be nice to have children, some day.

Then he brushed my hair aside and I cringed. His lips found my ear. I froze, fighting a shudder of revulsion. "You have no idea how appealing you are to me, Renesmee."

My stomach roiled, my brain screamed. "Jacob," I whispered, feeling a tear roll down my cheek.

He gripped my hair and pulled me to my feet. I felt several hairs ripping free but refused to scream. "WHO IS JACOB!" he shouted at me. My toes were barely touching the ground as he pulled harder. I put my hand to my head trying vainly to take some of the weight.

"No!" I yelled in reply.

He slapped my face. "WHO IS JACOB?"

"Never," I whimpered.

He grabbed one of my tender budding breasts and squeezed very hard. I screamed at the pain, releasing my hair to clutch his wrist, my nails breaking on his skin. "Who is Jacob?" he said in a cold calm voice.

"Half a man, and still ten times more one than you," I spat my answer at him.

He tipped his head back and dropped me. It took several seconds for the pain to subside enough for me to register that he was laughing. "Well, that IS an answer at least."

I woke to the usual disgusting view, Joham sitting, watching me. I rolled to my back dreading, but knowing what was coming next.

"Actually, I wanted to propose a deal, little wife." His face was composed, almost smiling.

I rolled to face him, what was this?

"Play me. As long as you win, I will delay the examination." I read honesty in his eyes.

He meant chess, of course. He somehow knew I was still holding back. My eyes moved right and then left as I thought. But if this reward was genuine, I would happily play my best. I wondered if he'd been holding back as well. I thought of Uncle Emmett and all his bets. He would know this deal was no deal. I would lose eventually, and then I would be back where I started.

My eyes were hard when they returned to his. "No deal." I said coldly. "Why delay the inevitable."

His eyes narrowed, but his lips twitched. He was angry that I defied him, but pleased by my logic.

"All right, how about this? If we played all day, that would be, what? twenty games. So half that. Win ten and I will not examine you today." He was bargaining with me. He really did want to see my potential.

I sat up facing him. This was a real offer, one I hadn't expected. "Three?" I countered. I couldn't agree to ten. Even if I was as good as I thought, I'd lose one in that time.

He smiled crookedly and I looked away; he shouldn't be able to smile like my father - it was wrong. "Seven."

I put my eyes to my lap, thinking. That meant we'd meet at five. I was sure I could win three, unless he was seriously holding back, which I doubted. Five was probably an even bet. Well, I'd learned from Emmett, and if anyone wagered on an unsure thing, it was him. 'No guts, no glory,' he would say. "Five," I said clearly meeting his gaze. I hoped fire and not excitement glowed in them, but I knew a little of each existed in me now. I had a chance. A chance of avoiding this most dreaded moment. It meant giving him pleasure, something I hated, but the dread of those coming moments was so much greater.

"Five," he agreed. "Would you like to wash up first?"

"Yes." I answered and rose, walking to the oil drum. I scrubbed my teeth with my toothbrush and splashed my face a few times. I reset my hair in its ponytail, and then changed my shirt. I tried not to change my shorts after that first day, but the humidity still made me clammy. A dry shirt, even only mostly dry, was always welcome. I felt his eyes on my back but heard the clink of stones as he set the board.

I took my place with white. I would be black next game, I reminded myself. Without hesitation, I moved my Queen's pawn. He smiled as I altered my opening. It was an equally acceptable one, but not the one I'd played with against him, sticking to 'Guico piano' most of the time. Now I used the Queen's gambit. The irony, I'm sure, was not lost on him. I watched his responses, dredging up my memory of the Slav defense for when I held black. We exchanged pawns, and the game was on.

The first game went fairly quickly. I think he'd planned to let me win the first one, even if I hadn't impressed him, which as the game continued, I knew I had. Barely fifteen minutes had passed when I grabbed a mate in seven. Three turns later, he saw it too and resigned. I let a smile play on my lips. I always liked to win. He smiled back, though, and that wiped the smirk from my face. I looked down to the pieces, scooping up the whites to hand to him. I held most of the black already. He held my hands around the stones, and I resisted the urge to look in his eyes. I could feel them smoldering on me. "Good game," he whispered and released his grip, letting me drop the stones into his hand.

I brushed my exposed curl behind my ear as I reset the board, firming my lips to a line. It was going to get harder. The next game took thirty minutes. I still won, again spying a long run mate he had missed, this one in eight. I smiled more broadly at my victory. I loved being able to do this, to see the answer so clearly. Chess really was my favorite game. Although its relatives, Go and Shogi, were also very enjoyable, this was the first I had learned, and my brain fell into its familiar patterns so easily. Watching the permutations spin out of the game reminded me of a painting at home, a spiral ever turning in on itself, revealing new opportunities, new facets with every move. My smile was broad and so was his. I cringed when I saw it but had trouble bringing my joy back. Chess with Joham truly was the saving grace in my captivity.

We swapped pieces again, and he brushed the back of my fingers as we reset the board. "Good game," he whispered again. I didn't take my eyes from the board. The joy was gone. His touch could do that every time. The swell of joy and pride instantly became a crash of rage and disgust. I squared my shoulders and straightened with my eyes flat.

The third game was much the same as the second. I wondered if I had actually pressed him to his limits. I wasn't holding back, but I certainly didn't have to work for these victories. After another half hour of play, I revealed mate in four. As he had both times before, he resigned immediately, chuckling lowly as he pushed his king out of place, the stones didn't knock over like real pieces. "Good game," he said once more, holding my wrist to put the half-dozen stones he had captured into my open palm.

He sat back and met my eyes again. Something seemed to cross them, but I didn't know what thought had just entered his head. I scooped up the captured white pieces and dropped them into his cupped hands. We began the fourth game and I felt real hope. I had won three, none had been difficult, and now I needed only two more. I could do this, I was sure. I clamped down on my excitement. My strength was always in cool logic.

He changed his opening this time, and I cocked an eyebrow at him. I finally used the Slav defense that I had recently replayed in my mind. I heard his teeth click once or twice as he saw his options becoming less and less clear. I thanked my father. Although I played with him rarely, he _always_ won; he had drilled these openings into me. The opening was often the only part we played. We'd get six or seven moves past the opening and he'd announce mate in twelve or some such nonsense. That was why Joham's immediate resignations did not surprise me. After playing out a few of those inevitable scenarios, I not only came to see them for myself, I learned there was no pleasure for either of us in doing so once I saw the moves as clearly as he did.

The defense worked. The fourth game was shorter than either of the two before, though longer than the first. Again, he resigned by sliding his king. For the first time, I noticed that his king rolled very slightly. It was more rounded than the other stones, but wrapped in paper as it was, I had no idea if it was a different type of stone or simply a different shape. Most of our pieces were relatively flat and oval, easy to pick up and move. I shook my head bringing my attention back to trading pieces. He took his without comment and dropped mine into my palm, "Good game," he said. This time my joy at winning wasn't perverted by his touch, and my smile stayed in place as I reset the board. I barely noticed him smiling back at me.

The last game and I was going to win. I was going to escape that dreaded probing. I was sure in my abilities now. He opened with the King's pawn and I replied in 'Piano' style. When he moved his Bishop I grabbed my King's Knight immediately. His smile broadened. I was playing aggressively now. Pieces were exchanged quickly as we both tried and were declined in various attacks. Then I saw it, mate in twelve. How had I seen that? Was it true? I paused in playing, reviewing again and again. Surely he had an out. I couldn't see that far, could I?

"Little wife?" Joham twisted his head a little to look at me with my chin in my hand.

I blinked, lifting my head slightly, and whispered, "Mate in twelve." Then I moved my bishop.

He frowned but responded as I knew he would. "Check," I said moving my knight.

His brow furrowed further, and he moved his queen, again exactly as I had seen. I moved my Rook to challenge his queen. He moved his bishop to block. "Check," I said again, revealing my Queen's rook behind my pawn which captured his. His lips tightened again. Nine moves to go. I'd take his queen in four. He smiled when I did. He could see the last five moves now, and I was sure he would resign, but he didn't. My bishop pinned his king and my knight revealed my Rook once more. "Check."

"And mate," he said, picking up his king and putting it into my hand. He held the paper as he turned his hand over and the round stone rolled into my palm. It was almost perfectly spherical and covered in igneous rock. He put his hands over and under mine then pressed slightly. I heard the stone crack. He released my hand quickly and slid back slightly.

I looked at demi-spheres in wonder. I knew of geodes, of course. I had ever held one before and certainly not a freshly opened one. The amethyst inside glittered in the sunlight. I held up the half in my right hand to see it more clearly. It was a wonderful gift. I smiled at Joham behind it, pleased at pleasing him. Then my smile twisted on my lips. This was how captives went insane. They didn't simply lose their minds to pain, the lost when they began to respect their captors. That was why he hadn't touched me last game, why he didn't touch me now.

I thought, perhaps, I had lost my mind when I unbuttoned my shorts and shimmed them to my ankles.

"What?" he asked. "You won. No exam today."

"Exam today, exam tomorrow." I complained and laid back, letting my legs butterfly out, having learned this was the least painful way.

He shook his head in confusion but probed me quickly, exactly as grandfather had. He held his fingers between us. I could see the line of mucus break between his first and second fingers as he spread them. He sniffed but didn't taste this time. "I cannot say I understand, but it is not today, in any case." His brow was furrowed, but he rose and turned to let me pull my shorts back on. It was unreasonable, illogical, completely insane, but I wished he had molested me. I wanted to hate him again now. I was breaking. I was losing.

In the morning, my 'probe' was several minutes. My jaw hurt from clenching it so tight. Oddly, I was grateful. Although my vision was blurred and teary, my mind was clear again. I hated Joham. I hated him with everything in me. When he left me, licking my fluids, I slowly started to uncoil my muscles. Then, I began a letter to Jacob. I knew my days were at an end, and I had put off writing this. I still wasn't sure what to say.

_Jacob, My Jacob,_

_There are no words. I pray you survive me, though I fear you will not._

_Your Nessie,  
Your Ness,  
Always, Ever, YOUR Renesmee._

I cried as I folded it, and that drew the attention I knew I didn't want. Joham of course took the letter and read it. "No words. There are words; you just won't share them with me. This half-man seems to have claimed a significant part of your heart. I will have to remove him."

"You have to find him first," I whispered.

"Oh that won't be hard. If you love him this much, he will come for you."

_He won't come alone. _But I didn't say this aloud. Joham must know it, but I wouldn't say it.

"Perhaps I will remove the 'man' half and keep it for you, as a memento."

I rolled to my side and heaved at his implication. The fact that his threat made no sense didn't stop me thinking about Jacob, torn in two. Joham laughed at my reaction. "Perhaps I'll use him to pleasure you sometimes." There was nothing in my stomach, but it continued to heave at the images. Why was he doing this to me?

He was quiet then, serious. "I won't, of course. I only torment you. I will never let any part of him touch you again."

I felt cold and hollow. It was true. I would never see or touch Jacob again. Soon he would impregnate me, and I'd never be Jacob's Renesmee again. With any luck or grace at all, I would manage to kill myself. Then he would be hollow. This feeling of the vital missing, of absence would never fade for him. He would always look for me. I wept quietly again.

_I pray you survive me, though I fear you will not._


	11. Chapter 11

I sat reading my history book a third time while Joham watched me. I tried as usual to ignore him.

Then the most miraculous thing happened. The book disappeared from in front of me. I wasn't in the hut any longer and my friends and Jacob were running to greet me. I stood calmly in my blindness, letting the book fall to the ground. Joham probably looked up from his writing, but I couldn't see him. I grabbed my pack from behind me and dug to the bottom. It was strange reaching through my friends to close my hand on the box buried there. I held my prize as I turned to step to the center of the room. I wouldn't have anyone tripping on my chain.

I felt Joham's hand close on mine. I still couldn't see him. My sight returned as the hand was torn away. Jacob had pounced on him. I put my hands to the doctored links and pulled. They came apart easily.

"Jacob," I called calmly, coldly as I walked to Joham's 'desk'. "Take his genitals from his body for me, please." My friends were already tearing his limbs, but they stopped to laugh at my request. Jacob just growled louder. I heard Joham's scream and committed it to memory.

I tore several pages from his notebook and crumpled them in my hand. I struck a match and lit the corner of my ball. I dropped the lit match on the rest of the book and watched as it started to burn. I apologized to grandfather silently. There was much information in there he would have liked to read himself, but my memory and my letter would have to suffice. I would not have that monster's pictures of me leave this place.

I turned with my fireball just in time to see Joham's head soar past me and ricochet off the wall of the hut. I stepped up to it and wrapped my fingers in his hair. I walked to where my friends had made the pile of his pieces. Jacob offered me the requested genitalia, but I shook my head and he tossed it on the pile. I threw my fireball after it.

Then I lifted the head to eye level, thanked Emmett once more, and spat full in Joham's disembodied face before tossing the head into the pyre. I crossed my arms and settled in to watch him burn.

Jacob turned me to face him. My eyes were downcast but tracked up his thighs, his stomach, his chest, to his face. Jacob. He'd found me. I started to sob as I clutched him. "Oh Jacob! He hurt me. He hurt me so badly." I felt Senna's hand on my back just as I sent the first images into him. Between Jacob and the circle I was able to spread out all the pain I had held, never wanting that monster to see it. I showed them every slap, every bruise, every drop of blood, every demeaning probe. Then I showed them every caress, every leer, every leveling look he gave to size up his new breeder; every threat, and every promise. Jacob threw back his head and howled. I hadn't known he could do that human. The circle didn't respond at all; they just took everything I gave them. Fractured like this, I knew I could heal the hurts faster. I thanked them all.

Then I sank to my knees as Jacob's weight suddenly fell full on me. I cradled him as I carefully laid him on the ground. "What's wrong with him?" I asked aloud.

_I'm surprised he lasted this long._

_Indeed. He should have passed out three hours ago, the adrenaline lasted longer than I expected._

Then the images came from them of Jacob running wolf until he collapsed in a heap only to rise with a kick to the ribs hours later.

_Why? Why didn't you let him rest?_

_Senna tried once._

I saw Jacob take a piece out of her shoulder when he found he'd slept six hours instead of two. He didn't even wait for her to find her flesh before stalking after me again.

_We must hunt, Nessie. Our brief kills in those breaks have not sustained us._

"I will not leave him." I declared, unnecessarily aloud.

"I will stay," Senna said in broken English, breaking the circle for me by removing her hand. "She must know His love." Her accent made the words difficult to understand, but I did. I also appreciated her effort and thanked her when she touched me again. Zafrina and Kachiri were already gone.

She showed me why it had taken so long. An image of Jacob and Nahuel bursting through the trees and Nahuel telling them I had disappeared. Jacob didn't wait; he bit on Zafrina's shirt, dragging her behind him. Nahuel was returning to his sisters and planning to check former places their father stayed. He had recognized his father's scent. Then the image changed to my parents, running to Manaus, desperate for news from Alice, while the circle and my Jacob followed the trail. Kachiri waited outside the village where Joham had taken to boat. She would be able to tell my parents the bad news when they returned. Jacob took the north shore of the river, Zafrina and Senna the south. They had reached the edge of Santarem when Jacob turned and took the south shore. They had missed Joham's scent there, but Jacob found it, even though it was now well over a week old. That led him to the cave and they found my scent again, though it was still too faint for the vampires. Kachiri met them soon after. My parents were left waiting in Manaus for Nahuel and his sisters to return.

With my scent in his nose Jacob ran, straight as an arrow. He ran himself nearly to death. Senna worried for his health.

_I have never seen the like. That man loves you more than life itself._

I didn't answer; I just lay down next to Jacob, curling his arm around me as I did. It seemed to respond - even though he was already snoring - to clasp my shoulder.

The last image the circle sent me was of myself, fire in one hand and Joham's head in the other. I looked like a vengeful goddess.

_You were._

I closed my eyes and slept well for the first night in almost a month.

The circle stood watch over us. Jacob was still sleeping, and I refused to leave his side. My parents burst through the entrance to the hut. I looked to them, then back to Jacob. I didn't rise.

"Is he all right?" Mama asked.

"Just sleeping," Zafrina answered. "He has slept for the past twenty hours."

I looked to my parents once more, and then put my head back on his chest. I wasn't leaving him. My father read my thought and came to me. Mama followed on his heels, kneeling beside me.

"Are you all right, Nessie? Did he hurt you?" Mama asked.

"Yes. I am well, but he did hurt me." I closed my eyes and let a few tears fall onto Jacob.

I felt their hands on me, soothing, soft. I continued to weep quietly, never taking my hands from Jacob. "He found me. I knew he would."

Edward rose and was in quick converse with Zafrina.

"Is there anything we can do for you, Nessie?" Mama asked.

"You already have," I told her. "You came for me."

I felt her curl herself around Jacob and me, her hand covering mine on him.

"Jacob, I need a favor." I asked.

It had been three days since my rescue. Jacob had woken after thirty hours of sleep, and I quickly brought him fish and fowl. Mama brought me dry wood, and I started a fire, cooking it for him. I fed it to him as well, not letting him rise to more than sitting. He was so weak still. After he had eaten and drank, he slept again. This time, I did leave and collected a variety of fruits for him to eat next. His next rest was a much shorter six hours. He tried to thank me, but his voice was gruff and I silenced him anyway. Nahuel and his sisters had reached us, but I wasn't ready for their apologies yet. My mother and Kachiri were keeping them occupied a few miles away.

I held out the necklace to Jacob. "I need to find this girl's family. I've been wearing this for several weeks, though. I don't know that even you can find her scent."

He grabbed my father's arm and then walked into the trees so he might phase. I kept my mind focused on the beads. When it wasn't, I listed all the new flora and fauna I had seen since our arrival in Quito.

Jacob sniffed the necklace delicately and then put his nose to the ground. He barked a quick yip, and I climbed to his back. "Thank you."

He led me back to the village Joham had taken her from. I left Jacob with my father at the edge of the forest to phase back. I was already entering with the beads held in my outstretched hand.

A woman came up to me quickly, "_How_?" she asked in Portuguese. I sighed in relief.

"_I found __her; __she had been attacked by a savage beast. Are you her mother?_"

The woman shook her head, "_Her aunt, come with me._"

She led me to the home of her sister. My father and Jacob were behind me now.

"_I'm sorry I couldn't save your daughter,_" I told them. "_By the time I found her she was already too injured for me to save. I only came to tell you, she suffers no longer._" I put the beads into the mother's hand.

She wailed. The father clutched his wife and made soothing noises. Then he passed the woman to her sister and came to me.

"_Thank you. Thank you for coming to tell us._" He put the beads back in my hand and closed my fingers.

"_May I ask, what was her name?_"

"Caititi" he answered and then turned to grieve with his wife. I'd remember her every time I looked at the moon she'd been named for.

I turned to meet my father's eyes. He had seen the whole truth in my mind as I told it. "Renesmee," he whispered and folded me into a hug. I cried again into his chest, reliving that awful moment a third time. He lifted me in his arms and carried me from the village.

"You were right. You couldn't save her. I am so sorry this happened to you. I thought nothing could be worse than letting what happened to you mother come while I was gone, but this..."

I didn't answer, I just continued to weep.

"Will you tell me? All of it?"

"I have shared it with Zafrina, Senna, Kachiri and Jacob. Sharing has helped; I will share it with you. Don't tell Mama."

I buried my face in his chest and relived the worst days of my life one last time. My father's tearless sobs broke my heart.

The time had come. I went to Edeli first. "I know you were close with your father. I trust that you did not know what he planned." She shook her head vigorously, and my father nodded his agreement; she told truth. "Then I cannot blame you. I can only wish that you had seen him for the beast he was and never visited him again. Please, leave me." I tried to be diplomatic, but it very hard.

Edeli nodded, only whispering, "I am so very sorry, Renesmee," as she backed away.

Potira's parting was even simpler. "I had no idea Edeli had told him. I might have suspected something like this had I known. I only wish our knowledge had brought us to you faster."

"Thank you for trying," I answered truthfully and took her hand to say my farewell.

"Renesmee," Nahuel began but didn't know how to continue. He sank to his knees in defeat. "If I had had any idea our coming would..." I saw a tear on his cheek.

I bore him no ill will. I stepped forward and touched his cheek. _You are not him. I know that. _I showed him those last minutes we'd spent together, how he had tried to claim me for his own.

He shook his head. "I must admit, I was interested in you. In the woman you are becoming but never to be a part of this... this... vileness." He spat.

I lifted his chin, "I know."

He hugged me and wept into my chest. It seemed strange, having a 150 year old man crying on a four year old girl, but I had experienced a lot of strange things. "I must tell you, though. I will not be your 'little wife' either." His head whipped up and the pain was plain on his face. "I belong to Jacob, as much as he belongs to me." I declared.

He nodded. "I understand." I kissed his forehead while I unwrapped his arms. Then I turned and walked away.

Jacob and I stood at the base of the Iguacu waterfalls. Joham had brought me far from the Rio Amazonas. It had taken less convincing than I had expected to get to go on a walk alone with him. I thought my parents wouldn't let me out of their sight for the next year at least. I supposed they trusted Jacob with my safety more now than ever before.

I jumped into the water fully clothed and dove to the depths. The water here was plenty deep, and no rocks, perfect.

Jacob laughed at me from the shore. "I thought you packed a swimsuit."

I spat water at him. Then I pulled myself ashore and looked up to the top of the fall. We were far from the bridge where tourists were likely milling. "How high you think that is?"

"You can't be serious."

"More than home, for certain, but there are no rocks here, and it's deep." I found hand and footholds and began climbing.

When I'd gone a couple of meters, I looked over my shoulder. "Aren't you coming?"

He shook his head and followed me. He reached the top first and helped me over the edge. I scrutinized the plateau. There was a nice clearing at the edge and it would make a good runway. I pulled my shirt off.

"I thought your Dad told you not to do that anymore."

"My Dad isn't here." I stripped off my shorts and panties.

Jacob's mouth sagged a little. I had developed a bit in the past month. I gave his pants a disapproving look and then raised my eyes to his face. When he didn't respond I twitched, one side of my mouth and looked at them again.

"Edward is going to kill me," he muttered as he pulled off his pants. As usual he wore nothing underneath. I smiled happily. Then I jumped up to peck his cheek and turned to run straight for the falls.

"Nessie!" I heard him shout behind me, but it was too late. I planted my foot, toes curling over the edge of the cliff. My muscles bunched, and I launched myself into the air. I spread my arms wide and reveled in the breezes caressing my skin. I would never envy the bird again. I was free.


	12. Chapter 12: Return to Isle Esme

I had expected that after the trauma and panic, we would head home quickly. Yet we lingered, finding an escort to take us to Rio de Janeiro. Mama and Edward were eager to share Isle Esme with me. It was where I had been conceived, where I had first touched Mama and Edward. Where their love had multiplied so many times. I was eager to see it myself.

There was no mistaking Esme's hand in the beautiful beach house. Jacob was given the blue room while I was to sleep on the white bed. "What happened to the headboard?" he asked Edward.

My father grinned broadly, but didn't answer.

I settled into the beautiful white bed dressed in one of Jake's tank tops. It reached my knees, and it was just too hot for anything else. I must have only been asleep an hour or two when I woke with a cut off scream. The dream had been horrific. Jacob hadn't come in time. I lifted my torso off my hands. This was a sleeping habit I would adopt, I realized. I never wanted Mama to see my dreams again. I looked around, but the house seemed empty. My parents were probably off enjoying the island. I tiptoed to the blue room, not wanting to sleep alone tonight. Jacob was sprawled on the bed. It was good Grandmother always bought King size, I thought as I closed the door quietly behind me.

"Jacob?" I whispered. He of course wouldn't wake for that. "Jacob?" I called in a normal tone. I didn't know how close my parents were, and they wouldn't be happy to find me here. He still didn't move. I touched his arm and he flinched.

"Huh?" was his dazed reply.

"I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you again tonight?" I asked tentatively.

"Of course, sweetie." He inched over a little to make some room for me. It wasn't much room, but he knew I'd just drape over him anyway.

As I climbed in, I couldn't help but notice the mangled headboard. I wondered why Grandmother hadn't replaced it. "What _did _Edward do to this thing?" I asked aloud.

"Edward?"

"Well, Mama was human when they were here last, so it wasn't her," I explained.

Jacob groaned and put his hand over his eyes. "No more talking," he complained. I was happy to agree to that. I yawned and settled into him.

I woke to familiar sounds in the morning. They made me even happier now that I knew what they meant. I pushed myself a little off Jacob's chest and he groaned, shaking his head and blinking. Then he growled. He started banging on the wall. "We're awake in here!" he hollered.

The sounds cut off abruptly. Then they started again a moment later. I laughed into my hand. He rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Nessie. You'll have to explain to me someday what it's really like to have a pair of teenagers for parents." I laughed again.

Jacob began banging his head on the wall in time to Mama's voice and the creaking bed, frustrated. I put my hand back on his chest. "Don't fret. Your turn will come." I showed him the dream that had upset Edward weeks ago.

Edward opened the door, "Ness!" he said murderously. The creaking was still coming from the other room. Jacob looked confused. I didn't answer Edward but walked calmly past him to where my mother was rocking the white bed frame.

"Game's up. That was very funny," I told her honestly.

"Jake still moaning in there?" she asked with a huge grin. Then she screamed "Oh my GOD, Edward!" My father was there flinging her on the bed while she laughed.

"Enough..." He laughed into her ear. I laughed with them.

Jacob came to stand behind me. He was smiling now. "She thinks she's funny, does she? Let's see if vampires are ticklish." He pounced on the bed opposite Edward and his hands attacked my mother's ribs. I didn't wait; I went for her feet.

That day Edward dug a glass chessboard out of a closet. "Nessie! Up for a game?" he asked. He knew I had practiced with Joham, but it had been months since I'd played against Edward.

"Sure!" I smiled broadly and snatched two pawns, shuffling them behind my back. Alice could have chosen the color she wished, but randomness worked for Edward and I.

He pointed to my right hand as he placed the board on a low table. I crossed my legs and plopped on the floor. I felt my breasts bounce. Damn. I _would_ need a bra when we got home. I handed him the frosted pawn and he took black. I opened with my Queen's pawn and wondered how this game would go. The first ten moves passed quickly. After that each turn drew out a little longer as we each weighed possibilities.

It was my father's turn. I tried to anticipate his move. Knight? No. Bishop? hmmm, mate in twelve. Queen? He grabbed the bishop. I looked up at him, my jaw falling open.

"What?" he asked, placing the bishop for mate in twelve.

"You didn't see that." I announced.

I watched his lips twitch. "I saw that," I half-growled. "Daddy," I asked in a coy tone, "how long have you been cheating?"

His smile was broad and unabashed. "About three years."

I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. All those elaborate games, all those quick wins for him, all those ridiculously long mate scenarios. They were _all_ mine.

He steepled his fingers under his chin. "Three and a half, actually. For the first while I tried to ignore it when you gave me the winning solution, but every time I did you whipped me soundly, usually in less than ten moves." His long slender fingers started putting the pieces back into position. He still held black. "So I started taking them. I'm competitive, and it made the games much more challenging for you. I haven't been a worthy opponent for you for a long time. But, you play excellently against yourself."

I still didn't quite believe him. "Mama!" I yelled. "Rematch," I told him pointing for him to sit. "Here. Now."

"You called, sweetie?" Mama asked breezing into the room.

"Yes," I said turning to look at her. "I need you to shield me." My hair flipped as I whirled to glare at my father. "It turns out Edward has been cheating."

Mama chuckled. "You're sure?"

"No. That's why I need your shield." I said not taking my eyes off my smirking father. I felt the shield cover me and moved my Queen's pawn again.

"Mama!" I called from the bathroom. My swimsuit bottom lay on the floor. I was glad I had a decent hand with a needle; I'd had to cut the suit into two pieces to make it fit.

Jacob poked his head in and saw me in just the top. "Oh, jeez." He turned away. "Can I help?" he asked.

"Not really. Mama!" I yelled again.

This time my father's head peered around Jacob. "What is it, Ness?" He knew as he asked and stepped wonderingly into the room straight for my suit bottom.

"Yeah, I think I need to ask Mama. MAMA!" I hollered one more time.

She came into the room like a shot. "What? What is it?"

"Sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you but... do you know if there are any... feminine supplies here?"

Edward had my bottoms in his hand, "Ness, can I...?"

"Sure, Dad. Give them to grandfather. He can put them in the cupboard next to my first diaper and my placenta." I mocked. He seemed abashed and dropped them again.

Jacob turned now and Bella seemed to block his view of me enough for his comfort. "What?" he asked, seemingly honestly confused.

"It's my first cycle Jacob. I need something to stop the flow. It's really bad." I rubbed my left calf with my right foot seeing the pink stream on my leg.

"Why don't you hop in the shower, honey? If I can't find anything by the time you get out, I'll improvise something for you."

"Thanks, Mama" I said squeezing her hand.

She pulled me into a hug. "My little girl," she whispered.

"Don't get gushy on me; I'm gushing enough for both us," I complained.

She laughed and pushed me to the shower door. I saw her leaving the room as I stepped in.

The water felt good. I spread my legs and let the blood wash away.

"Oh, seriously man, you did NOT just do that." Jacob's tone was incredulous.

"I can analyze a lot by taste," my father replied.

"That is just disgusting!"

I jumped to peep over the shower wall, but I was pretty sure I knew what I'd see. Edward was crouched where I'd been standing and he held one hand to his nose and mouth.

"Gross, Dad!" I yelled over the shower wall and threw my suit top to hit him in the head.

Moments later Mama shooed the boys away. "I didn't find anything, Ness, but these gauze rolls should substitute until Edward and I can get to the mainland to buy you something appropriate."

I stepped out of the shower and hugged her again. "Thanks." I looked at the rolls tied with a small piece of string. "Ah, I get it." I inserted one and rinsed out my suit bottom before putting it and the top back on. "How do I look?"

"Like we need to get you a new suit when we get home," she laughed. "Not that Alice won't appreciate your efforts to... modify that one."

I laughed with her.

I chased the dolphin, nearly as fast as she was. I didn't swim much at home, but I found I could hold my breath a very long time. Snorkeling around the island had been fabulous, and now I cut through the water like a fish myself. Jacob was behind me. I felt the current shift as he broke for the surface. I chased another meter or two, but didn't want to stray too far from Jacob.

"Hey." I greeted him pushing up my mask. "What's up? Air?" I joked, panting a little from my efforts.

He snorted. "Yeah." Then his face went serious. "Well, there was something else."

I tread water and shimmied a little closer to him. "Yeah? What is it?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"It's not so much something I wanted to ask as something I wanted to try," he said with a little strain in his voice.

"Oh. Do you need room? Should I back up?" I thought he was going to try some aquatic acrobatic feat.

He laughed. "No, no. I need you to come closer actually."

"Okay." I smiled and reached for one of his shoulders, pulling myself to him. He was actually bobbing off the bottom. "Freaky tall man," I muttered as I realized.

He laughed. Then he lifted one hand from the water and pulled my mask from my head. It started to drift to shore with the tide. I followed it with my eyes for two swells, making sure it was still in line to hit the sand, then turned to face him. He was looking at me very intently. I smiled again. "What is it?" I repeated.

"This," he said and brushed a hand along my cheek. It felt wonderful. It made my heart full. My smile broadened but no blush came to my cheek. My stomach didn't flip, my hormones didn't surge. I felt as happy as I did each time I saw my father touch my mother. A feeling of utter contentment.

Jacob was still intent, as though he didn't understand. Then he kissed me. It wasn't like when my father or uncles kissed me. It was much more than that. But it wasn't like when Nahuel had kissed me, either. I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling of perfect joy. Nahuel's kiss had been red, rushing, passionate. Jacob's kiss was white. It blinded me with happiness. It was a perfect echo of my content. Jacob broke the kiss and looked at me. I wasn't sure what he was looking for so I kissed him again. I placed my hand on his cheek and showed him how it felt, what it didn't feel like. How utterly perfect he made me feel.

That kiss lasted much longer. I thought he didn't want to break it. I kept sending him everything I felt as I felt it. The warm surf, the blinding white, the safety of his arms. How much I needed him, now as always. He finally pulled back and drew a deep breath. I pulled an equally large, but much quieter one. My happiness was still complete.

"Well," he said finally, shaking his head a little and flashing me his brilliant smile. "I guess that answers that question."

I giggled. "Well, I'm glad it did. I'm still not sure I know the question." I laughed tipping my head back into the water. He kissed my neck. I raised my head slightly. It didn't feel _wrong_ but it didn't feel right either. It felt... forced. I looked at him quizzically.

"Yep. Definitely answers that question. One day." Then he pulled my hands from his shoulders and turned for the shore. For the first time, I realized why we were out here, so Edward wouldn't hear our thoughts. "Race you," he said in his deep voice. "One, two."

I kicked my legs and dove under undulating my body to roll with the waves, adding it's speed to my own. I grunted a little as I crashed on the shore. It had come faster than I expected. I laughed at myself and rolled onto my back, waiting for Jacob to find me.


	13. Big News! I'm Published!

Let me start by saying I'm only go to do this once. I promise.

Next, if you noticed a lot of chapter alerts with the same title, that's because they're all the same, skip/delete the others.

Finally, I wanted to give this big news to as many people as I could, which is the only reason I'm doing this (see first point)

Okay! The good news! I'm published!

That's right! If you've enjoyed my stories, which I bet you have as you've put me on alert, now is your chance to read a completely original story written by yours truly.

Cargon: Honour & Privilege is my first novel, but I already have two more complete manuscripts, so a second isn't far off. It is set on a future earth after a cataclysmic even has destroyed nearly all of our technology. It is the time of the second renaissance. The story revolves around Eve, a servant in a caste-style society who has the nerve and the guile to step out of her set role and take on a new and much loftier one.

Here's the back blurb:

* * *

Lives are won, lost and traded on the three-tiered Cargon boards.

Eve, a serving-girl, has watched the elite from the outside, seen the dramatic shifts based on the results of the Game. With a growing need to reach beyond her station, she can no longer accept her position on the edges.

Wagering her own life, she wins and emerges in a strange new world. New rules and old acquaintances tangle to make Eve's life less comfortable than her position would suggest.

One pawn moved, but an entire world shaken – Eve will change the world.

* * *

Copies are available at Amazon (kindle and paper versions) and signed copies, as well as information about up-coming book, blog posts from me, tour dates as I book them, are all be available on my website: Kimmydonn. com

I'm so excited about this, my first release. I've had a bit of a stumble out of the gate and that's gotten me down, but I'm hoping some of you will perk me back up, possibly with sales, but even with just reviews/PMs of congrats. I'll appreciate all of them.

I thought I'd finish by including an excerpt from the book. After demonstrating her wit to the High One, Eve was moved into classes with elite. She is still a servant, still apart from them, but in their realm. (Excuse the formatting, I pulled this from my final PDF copy ;)

* * *

Awaking early from the nightmare, she entered the classroom  
an hour before the elite students. Even so, the Ernst was there  
ahead of her. "If a rock is placed in the sea, does the rock become  
wet or does the sea become rocky?"

Eve smiled, but didn't raise her eyes. This was exactly the sort  
of question he would ask his class. "Both. The rock joins those on  
the bottom, making the sea rocky. As well, the rock, having space  
within, takes in water, becoming wet."

The Ernst smiled at her. "And, if the rock were not porous?"

"Then only the sea would become rocky, as the rock would  
retain no water upon removal. Nor, if the rock were the only one in  
the sea could the sea be said to be rocky either. Was this the only  
rock in the sea?" Only after she asked did she realize she was  
looking up at the Ernst.

His milky blue eyes shone. "You are a fine student. Take your  
place," he sighed. Eve heard the students approaching. Today, the  
Ernst quizzed his students on the nature of time and its flow. Was  
it even, like water poured from a pitcher, or variable like the wind?  
Eve imagined it was choppy like water in a stream. It generally  
flowed in one direction, but it was possible to be thrown back, with  
memory and dream, to an earlier time, only to be rushed forward  
again. She made plans to write this after class was complete.

Prince Louis came to her as he had so many times before. He  
was significantly older than his classmates, making Eve wonder  
why he was still here. His hand came to rest over her breasts,  
where she had pinned the bloom today.

"That bloom will never fade. I think his attention is not so  
constant. But mine is, as you can see." Eve set her teeth at that. She  
taunted him, but did not seek his affections. Prince Louis put his  
nose to her hair now, inhaling deeply. He sighed. "Would you taste  
as wonderful as you smell, I wonder?" His hand traced down her  
side, just off her skin. It brushed the fabric of her skirt, and she  
stepped to the side. It was not strictly permitted, but neither was  
his touch.

He sidestepped with her, grinning now. "Skittish. I like that.  
Where will you jump to next?" He moved to place his hand on her  
chest again, and she leaned away to her left, twisting from him.  
Her skirts brushed his legs. That wasn't permitted either. She  
backed away again.

He continued to pursue her as she backed herself into the  
corner. He put his hands to either side of her head, trapping her  
effectively. Finally, unable to find another response, she turned her  
eyes level to his. In them she held all of her hatred, her anger, his  
loss of honour. Would he continue to ignore the impropriety he  
was inflicting? Would he simply accept the slight she had  
delivered by staring him down?

He seemed to, showing no offence and instead dipping his  
nose to her bloom. He was nearly touching her breasts. She tried  
not to breathe while he inhaled deeply. "Smells wonderful, but I  
think that's not the bloom. I do wish our stations were not so  
distant." He pulled his arms away and turned from her.

It had been over a year since the first time he had approached  
her, but for the second time she fell to the floor in relief. She had  
nearly spat on him! He would have had her beaten severely for  
that. She sniffled, and only then realized tears streamed her face.  
She pulled a kerchief and wiped them away before rising. She took  
one more deep breath and strode to her lunch with what time  
remained.

* * *

If you'd like to read a larger sample, there are a few chapters available on Google Books. Thanks so much for reading!


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